Posted by Unknown |

I worked today. Although I spent a lot of my time in my office working on an assessment. It's an interesting assessment. I've never had an assessment that has been so important to me.

Not important because I care a lot about it. Important because it deals with pertinent issues. It deals with things I've been struggling with for years. It is making me again confront issues that I'm so sick of working through. Everytime I go there, I get so much angst, and then guilt, and then I question my usefulness, and my self-worth. And then I work my way back to somewhere where I'm comfortable again, and it all comes back. I could have chosen to do a different topic for my assessment but I decided, it was better to work through the issues properly than leave them again. It means the assessment has gotten a lot slower.

It's good to put things on paper. And writing things academic means I have to sift through the emotions, and find what's really going on. I once decided I was never going to sort myself out, and for years I'd just keep going on the same cycle. But perhaps one day I can get myself to a place where I can stay comfortable, but happily open to challenge and change.

At least I get to do an assessment on one of my problems at the moment. I bet I get bad marks.