1/20/2008 11:57:00 pm

Basking in My Own Amazingness

Posted by Unknown |

Do you remember when you were a teenager and you used to sit down with people and say "Let's talk about something deep?" and you could never think of something deep to talk about. Usually when you did that, in my experience, it was all about just feeling good about yourself because you had the ability to think profound thoughts and say smart things.

But I'm not sure I ever managed to have anything impressive to say at all when I planned too.

And now for something completely different. I went to church tonight and talked to a heap of people. Sometimes church is a little overwhelming. You look around the room and know the issues of half the people in the room and you don't feel like you can help any of them. I wish I had magic cures.

Rach, who is home, reminded me that I'm turning 25 in a few weeks. I think that 25 would probably be officially adulthood. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

On the one hand I feel like 25 means I should have achieved something with my life. I should own some kind of substantial asset and be in some kind of large, respectable debt. Or I should be married. Or I should have a job with prospects for upward mobility.

Yet I'm no where near those things. I rent. Have no savings. I have no credit cards and I have no bank loans. I'm no where near having a girlfriend let alone getting married. I feel like I'm in the process of dismantling my career. My job won't lead to better pay. And there are no options of being promoted. And I have less of an idea about what I want to do with my life now than when I was twenty one.

Plus my room is still a mess. I still have Thomas the Tank Engine bedsheets and I don't even own a long-sleeved collared shirt.

But some of these things I'm pretty pleased with. I'll make it to twenty-five and my lack of achievements will comfort me. I've managed to get this far without becoming bored, maybe I'll make it through the rest of my life. I've managed to make it this far without taking myself too seriously, so maybe I'll make it further. I've managed to still like skate shoes, actions movies and stupid t-shirts. Maybe being an adult isn't too bad at all.

I've yet to decide at what point in my life I'll stop hoping to get famous.

Probably when I'm 80.