Thinking About It

Sometimes I have big thoughts floating around my brain. Sometimes I spend a lot of time thinking about rather insignificant things. Like I have spent a lot of time thinking about the best way to drive from my house to work or other places. And I have spent a lot of time considering all the different variables that there are for the trip.

I have been thinking about old school people because of the primary school reunion/birthday party on the other night. I'm not sure what I've been thinking. Perhaps meeting people from the past, who have been changed over time, who you haven't seen in between, warps your memory. Suddenly you're mixing the knowledge of who the person has become with the person they were.

I've been thinking about Avatars and what a beautiful idea they seem to be (as long as you don't look at the pictures, I'm not a big fan of Hindi art. I like Hindus though). How I wish I could call some people avatars and not feel idolotrous or like I'm betraying my faith.

I've been thinking about the need to have the ability and the willingness to walk away from my faith if my faith is going to be real.

I've been thinking about the future and how three years can feel like a long time and not very long at exactly the same time.

I've been thinking about the need to be vulnerable. Why do I appear invulnerable? Do I appear invulnerable? Do I express weakness as often as I feel it? Do I share pain when I feel it? Should there be more to being vulnerable than just being a means to the end of solving whatever the problem is? Or is it all over-rated?

I've been thinking about keeping my thoughts to myself.

I've been wondering, am I a bad person to live with?

I've been thinking about letting everyone down and I'd how I'd like to avoid that if possible. Failure is not an enticing option.

I've been thinking about how much fun it would be to see someone play at the Enmore Theatre.

I've been thinking about getting fit.

I'm always thinking about getting fit.

Just beyond the front and middle of my mind is the feeling that my life is always in the air, always waiting for the next thing, always looking forward, never ready to say "I've arrived". Some call this a discontentment, some call it holy discontentment. One is bad the other is good. One says enjoy the now, learn to be, learn the secret of contentment. The other says, this is not all there is, you'll never be content, you are an alien in this world. Maybe my key is to learn to be content to be discontented. This comes up regularly.

I've been wanting to find more time to have fun.