Today at work my job was to find nine quotes to go in the resources that I write. However I couldn't find nine. I found one. That means tomorrow is going to be spending another seven and a half hours on the stupid quote sites. I get so bored of them. Still, I'm doing it for monies (and Jesus) so I can't complain.

I have, at times, thought about just making quotes up and attributing them to people. I figure it shouldn't really matter who says them just that what they say sounds pithy and/or true. I asked my boss if he'd have a problem with me making quotes up and he said "Yes". Shame.

Still I'm hoping he changes his mind. Just in case he does, I'm going to make up some quotes and store them here. So for your reading pleasure, here are some things the people below did not say. (Feel free to add your own in the comments.)


"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away", right now I just wish he was doing more givin' than takin'. - Martha Wilkes, in 1957 after losing her house to a tornado.

If I was a polygamist and could marry mythical creatures, I'd marry a mermaid and a reverse mermaid. One to take out on the town and the other for her childbearing qualities. Of course I could achieve the same result by just marrying a woman and a fish, but I think I'd find taking a fish on a dinner date too confusing for my appetites. - Michael Cera

I probably didn't say this. - Mark Twain

Great stories are like rare diamonds. They are a beauty to behold and have the strength to cut through even the hardest of men's hearts. Only the author who is willing to toil alone, digging deep in the blackest darkness will be able to produce this treasure of a pressured soul. - Leo Tolstoy

Doubt and faith are not enemies but allies. It is ignorant certainty that fights against them both. - G.K. Chesterton

I always say that the secret to success is to believe in yourself. That and make sure you're drunk by midday. - Ulysses S. Grant