I bought a fridge on Sunday. It's been more significant than I thought it would be. Now I feel like I'm properly an adult. I own a whitegood. All the stuff I own doesn't fit into one room anymore. I feel like it's time to settle down, like it's time to get a mortgage to house my fridge.

Damn it, van Warmelo, you seduced me into middle age. You and your reasonably priced, lusty fridge.