I'm preaching on Romans 8 in church next Sunday. I'm excited because it's my first time preaching at my new church. The passage Romans 8:28-39 which it very cool. It's like preaching one of the Bible's greatest hits.

I'm looking forward to spending this week writing the sermon. Though I'm sure I'll be up late on Saturday night writing as usual.

The two service leaders have both asked me if I want anything for next week. I told both I wanted fireworks to go off and then I appear on stage. They both said no. Then I said I wanted to come down from the ceiling on wires like that guy came in with the cup at the Grand Final yesterday. They said this was a possibility. I'm hoping they rig it up for me.

I'm going to spend the week trying to work out what outfit to wear when I preach. I need to look hot but not too hot. Like not sexy. Holy hot.

I'm also going to try and figure out what jokes are going work on the new crowd. They're a mixed bunch, with a very broad age range. You've gotta know your crowd otherwise you'll just bomb.

At some point I may also consider what God wants to say through the passage. But that will be secondary to the fireworks, clothes and jokes. You've got to make sure the main thing is the main thing.

Yesterday was my worst day at work so far. It wasn't that bad, just my worst so far.

I turned up at 5:10pm and went to the staff entrance which was closed and the security person who checks you off gone. I asked an usher who was standing outside smoking where the staff entrance went. He said it had moved to a new door. But it hadn't. It had been closed because the shift that I thought started at 5:30 started at 5:00. I convinced one of the ticket people to let me in through their door. They didn't recognise me. No one really recognises me when I'm not in uniform there. I'm a nobody.

I rushed in, got changed. Saw a supervisor and apologised for being late. He didn't seem to care. That was good. He briefed me on the event, and told me there were relocations. Everyone had been moved from the top tier of seating to the middle tier. Although only to sections 8, 10 and 12. I was working sections 9, 10 and 11.

Unfortunately the performers (a symphony orchestra playing hit music from video games and anime) took a long time to get through sound check. So by the time we got to open the arena doors, I forgot I was meant to be putting the relocates in section 10 and started putting them in section 11. It was only about 20 minutes after opening, when a bunch of people with tickets for section 11 turned up and I found I'd put people in their seats that I realised I'd been doing it wrong. So I then had to move all the people I'd put in section 11 across to section 10. And then suddenly everyone thought that it'd be a good idea to move to empty seats that looked better. So I had to keep moving people back to where they should be. It was rather a mess.

But once the show started things calmed down. The only incident I had to attend to was a man in full US Army combat fatigues who was taking photos with an SLR camera. I told him to put it away because you're only allowed little digital cameras. He gave me a greasy and stopped taking photos.

My favourite bit of the night was when the compere, while interviewing one of the visiting conductors from overseas who express a wish to see a koala, said "I'm sure you can find somewhere to touch a koala." That and when they played the Astro-Boy theme.

At the end of the night I was given the job of standing in a deserted area of the venue to in case any lost famous Japanese composers wandered by trying to get out. My job was to send them backstage. No one came by for half an hour, and then I was allowed to go home. I enjoyed that half-hour. I'm pretty sure I didn't stuff up once.

So there you go. Worst shift so far but not really that bad at all.

"But now she seemed different to me. I became aware of her special powers. How she seemed to pull light and gravity to the place where she stood. I noticed as I never had before, the way her toes pointed slightly inward. The dirt on her bare knees. The way her coat fit neatly across her narrow shoulders. As if my eyes had been given magnifying powers, I saw her more closely yet. The black beauty mark, like a fleck of ink above her lip. The pink, translucent shell of her ear. The blond down on her cheeks. Inch by inch she revealed herself to me. I half expected that in another moment I'd able to make out the cells in her skin as if under a microscope, and a thought crossed my mind that had to do with the familiar worry that maybe I'd inherited too much from my father. But it didn't last long, because at the same time I was becoming conscious of her body, I was becoming aware for my own. The sensation almost knocked the breath out of me. A tingling feeling caught fire in my nerves and spread. The whole thing must have happened in less that thirty seconds. And yet. When it was over, I'd been initiated into the mystery that stands at the beginning of the end of childhood. It was years before I'd spent all the joy and pain born in me in that less than half a minute." - Nicole Krauss - The History of Love

So today was a rather enjoyable day.

Nathan was coming over so I got excited. I got so excited that went on a housework/gardening frenzy.

Originally, as per Nathan's suggestion, I made my list of things to do it like this:

Things to Ninja Do:

1. Eat my breakfast with no lights on
2. Do the washing up without touching the ground
3. Clean the bathroom without being seen
4. Bring in your washing, like a ninja
5. Sweep the balcony without making a noise
6. Mow the lawn with a ninja sword
7. Read Romans commentaries upside down

I even planned on doing it all, like a ninja. And I was going to take photos and stick it up here on the blog. You would all have been impressed.

I did number one easy. But number two, not so much. I was going to do the washing up sitting on a stool so I didn't have to touch the ground. Ingenious. However it was too uncomfortable and I was too far away from the sink so I gave up on ninja housework and just did the rest like a normal person.

When Nathan came I had been dozing on the couch pretending to read about Romans 8. I hadn't mown the lawn.

Nathan (I've mentioned him 4 times now. Lucky he's not a girl or you'd think I'd have a crush on him. He's married so I'm not allowed to have a crush on him, even if he was a girl.) and I watched Bender's Game and ate wedges. The movie was not very good. There were funny jokes but it was just like 4 mediocre Futurama episodes stuck together. I think I slept through some of it.

When Nathan left I got into mowing the lawn. Actually I got out the mower then sat on the front lawn and pulled out weeds while Mark Driscoll shouted at me. I took over an hour and only managed to do a third of the lawn. I don't know if that's normal. I think we may have an abundance of weeds. Still I do love gardening. I have no idea about plants and stuff. But looking after the garden feels good. I think it feels similar to the feeling you get when you chop down a tree. Only chopping down a tree feels better because it's a lot more manly.

Tonight I tagged along with my church's youth group to Alive. I'm not part of the youth group, but I wanted to go to Alive, so I was allowed to tag along so I didn't just look like a creepy random guy there.

It was an odd experience. My old youth group was there, and it's the first time I've seen the youth group since I left. I was happy to see them. Especially happy to see young people there I didn't recognise. That's what I like to see.

Seeing as it was a big Christian event on the North Shore, I spent all night seeing people I know. There were people there from all three churches I've attended, people from camps I've spoken on, conferences I've been to, colleges I've attended, and people who I know but I don't know where from. It was pretty intense.

I sat in the meeting tonight and missed being a youth minister. I missed having the young people to look after. And the many moments of silliness. And the chance to disciple young people in Jesus. As my life is shaping up I probably will never be a youth minister again. That's sad. I did love it. But there will still be teenagers around, and I'll keep doing ministry with them. I'll keep doing camps, and youth group, and church. And I'll still do ministry. But things will never be how they were and I'll miss that.

However the future is coming (isn't it always?), and I'm excited about that.

Like tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to do more weeding.

And that was today. I thought you all might want one of those "Day in the life" blog posts. And if you didn't, I don't care.

Oh and after Alive I went to Maccas with my church crew. Just in case you were wondering.

I have a meeting with one of my Pastors in 20 minutes. Since going to church as a civilian this year I've always gotten excited when I get to go have coffee with my Pastor. I think because I've never had a Pastor who wants to go out and have a coffee with me. In the last church if a minister wanted to have coffee with me it was because they were my boss. And in the church before that, well, no one ever took anyone out for coffee, especially not as part of ministry.

So now I get excited. I tell people "I'm having coffee with my pastor" just because I like saying it. I feel like I'm name dropping. I'm not just an employee any more, I'm a congregant, I have needs!

I look forward to the day when a Pastor takes me out to coffee and tells me to stop sinning, then I'll know I've really made it as a civilian. I can't wait.

The Jesus: All About Life campaign has a website where you can upload a picture where you thank Jesus for things. It's pretty special.

Lesley, Jem and I went to see (500) Days of Summer this afternoon to celebrate Lesley's 40th birthday.

It's good. It is a refreshing take on love from Hollywood. It seems pitched at the late-Gen X/early-Gen Y crew. The ones who are jaded, and self-aware, and pop-culture savvy. And the ones who believe in love because they've believed the Hollywood story that true love is out there, you just have to find the one.

There was lots of good film making. Inventive ways to tell a conventional story. Good mixing of reality and character's imagination. There was a wonderful scene where the main character's (Tom's) expectations of an upcoming party were played along side the reality as it happened. It was for me, so real. I'm always making up stories about how things are going to go, how they might go, and how I'd like them to go, especially when it comes to girls, and it never happens that way I plan, want or expect. Reality is too good at throwing unforeseen dimensions into the mix.

Usually at the end of films about love they make me want to be in love. Especially films with good sound tracks and quirky female leads like Garden State. But this film, I'm not so sure. It had the sound track and the quirky female lead. Admittedly, it's not a love story, just a film about love. But it was optimistic enough that it wasn't trying to turn you off trying to find your true love. But the film didn't leave me feeling like that. It left me feeling like I had watched something real. Perhaps not real in that relationships happen in quite the way the film portrayed, but the film certainly had an emotional authenticity that resonated with me.

It did leave me thinking "Who would bother having a relationship?" Tom, the main character said at one point "Loneliness is underrated" which totally made sense to me. Maybe I'm just coming from a perspective where relationships are all effort and no pay off, but if there is anything all my many years of unrequited love and singleness have taught me, it's that being alone doesn't kill you. And in fact, as long as there's no-one you want to be with, being alone is perfectly enjoyable. That said, I've seen enough good relationships, watched enough movies, read enough books and had enough crushes to know that I probably am missing out on something. But whatever it is, it's elusive and I'm happy, so I shan't stress too much.

At least I shan't stress until I watch Garden State again. Bloody Natalie Portman!

"If I'm calling at two in the morning it only means one thing, baby!" - Black Eyed Peas

When people call me at 2am I'm usually pretty confident that it doesn't "only mean one thing, baby."

I stuck up the sermon I did at CrossWay Church when I preached in there in June.

If you're interested, you can get it here.

So you may have noticed that I've started using tags on my posts. I'm now going back through my archives adding tags to my posts. I'm also going back to the early days of the blog and adding titles to the posts so they display correctly. As there are over 3,500 posts to deal with I expect to be doing this for the next three years.

Joy.

For all those of you who were worried about my self-esteem, I talked to the guy who was in charge of hiring for the position. He said they interviewed two people who knew the organisation better than me first, and one of them had everything they needed, which makes sense. But he said my application was good. He didn't mention my awesome customer service skills.

I got nervous on this phone call too (like when I withdrew from the application process on the other job). But this time I didn't sound like I was going to cry, I think I sounded angry. Which I didn't mean to at all. I hope the man doesn't think I hate him.

So there you go. Matt was right. Much ado about nothing. Or nothing for me at least.

Thanks for letting me mope.

I got rejected for a job today. That's not really anything new.

However this was the first job all year I've applied for which I actually thought I had a really good chance of getting, at very least getting an interview. It was to be a Youth Ministry advisor-type two days a week for a denomination. I thought a job like that would allow me to maybe spend another three days a week doing the secular work I'd been wanting to do this year and I could still do youth ministry stuff.

But alas, they sent me an email today saying I was unsuccessful.

I rang the number they gave me to find out why I got turned down, but the guy didn't answer so I left a voice mail.

So I'm not sure why I didn't get an interview. I did notice that on the resume I sent them, while I had updated the details of my employment to make it more church friendly, I had forgotten to change my "Key Strengths" from my last application. So my very top key strength was "Excellent Customer Service". That was a little embarrassing. I'm pretty sure most denominations aren't looking for Youth Ministry Advisors who have excellent customer service. Plus it looks pretty bad that the person applying has put in so little effort into their application that they didn't even bother tailoring their key strengths to the role.

Now that I think about it, the day I wrote I was excellent at customer service I must have been feeling pretty cocky, because I wouldn't even list customer service in my top 20 strengths. I'd probably list it somewhere around the same place as "Pretty Good at Handball" and "Has all 10 fingers and toes".

If I got rejected for something other than my "key strengths", I don't know what it was. I felt like I addressed all the key criteria for the role. I thought my cover letter was pretty freaking awesome. I figured I'd at least get an interview.

It turns out to get rejected for this job without even getting an interview, that hurt. Every other job I haven't really worried about. Every other job I've known I probably haven't been that qualified for. But this one, well, Youth Ministry is what I do. If there is anything I should be qualified for and good at it's youth ministry. And so for someone to say "Nope, you're not even good enough for an interview", I've taken it a little personally.

But, as I said when I applied, it's up to God. I just figured if God didn't want me to have the job, he'd close things down after the interview. Not before, that's pretty harsh.

So today I've felt humbled. And today I felt stupid for thinking I'd be good enough to get an interview. And today I tried to remind myself that my qualifications and experience are not where my value lies. And today I moped because I was in the mood to mope before I got rejected anyway.

I'm hoping the guy calls me back tomorrow and tells me I got rejected because I have excellent customer service. That would make me feel better about myself.

In the end the lessons for me to learn are:
1 - Read your full resume before you send it
2 - You may not be as good as you think you are
3 - If you believe it's up to God, then you actually have to let it be up to God

Beyoncé had one of the best music videos of all time.

Still you shouldn't steal the poor girl's award moment, that's just mean.

From the PM's blog:

"One in four young Australians aged between 16 and 24 have experienced mental health disorders in the previous 12 months, yet only a quarter of young people receive professional help."

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't one in four, one quarter? So it seems to me that every young person who experiences a mental health disorder receives professional help.

I think they mean that only a quarter of the one in four (one in sixteen if I'm not mistaken) receive professional help but it's not very clear.

I've been writing this post for a few days now. I'm posting it even though I think it's still a bit of a mess. If I've ever wanted an editor for my blog, it's now. But I'm sure if you guys can't handle it, you'll just stop reading, and that won't offend me in the slightest, especially as you probably won't tell me.




I've been reading a book for a little too long now called Two Views of Women in Ministry. I've also been looking at issues of women in ministry in class at college. It means that I've spent the last month or so thinking about gender roles in the church.

I decided I wanted to make my mind up on the issue, because I've generally just coasted along happy to let everyone else worry about it, but I knew that some day I'd have to pin my colours to the mast or at very least have my colours ready to be pinned when the time came.

I haven't yet made up my mind, but I'm working on it.

What I have been thinking about is that the debate is about more that just what women can and cannot do in a church. It's about Gender Roles and Biblical Authority. I say this because the way Christians make up their mind on the issue of gender roles will reflect their view of the Bible.

Part of the reason that people get so worked up on the issue is that if people reject the complementarian perspective (women can't do everything) it seems to be flying in the face of clear biblical teaching. So rejecting complimentarianism is rejecting biblical authority. Unfortunately the debate about the issue is muddied by the implications that are suggested by some positions within the debate. It's hard to say you're an egalitarian (woman can do everything) when you might get your commitment to the Word of God questioned.

However I'm not sure that the Bible is as clear on the subject as some people say it is. I am sure though that how we go about making up our mind on the issue of gender roles in the church will clarify where were stand on the issue of biblical authority.

For instance for some it's not really a matter of biblical authority at all. For them men and women are equal so they should be able to have equal roles. If the Bible says different then the Bible is wrong. It's easy enough.

Others who feel they owe a bit of allegiance to the Bible will read 1 Tim 2:12 ("I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent") and decide that Paul was wise in some cases but misled in this one and just expressing the culture of the day. So we should interpret Paul in light of his obvious cultural prejudices and dismiss anything that doesn't allow for the equality of the sexes.

The problem I see with this that while is seems more thoughtful, it's merely just cultural arrogance, or to use C.S. Lewis' term, "chronological snobbery"; the belief that because Paul lived in another time and in another culture then he's obviously wrong when he disagrees with us. It neglects the fact that the values of gender equality, and the expressions of that equality that we take for granted now have been established only fairly recently, and they fly in the face of the majority the church's history of interpreting the Bible. To declare, without serious thought, that 1900 years of Biblical scholarship is wrong because it disagrees with your cultural values is, like I say, arrogance.

I am not saying that the end position is wrong, just the process of getting there.

However, in contrast to this, others who believe the Bible and view it as perfect inerrant, aren't willing to view the Bible as flawed so they see 1 Tim 2:12 and the response is obvious: don't let a woman be a leader, don't let a woman preach, no debate.

The problem with this is that it fails to take into account the weight of biblical evidence for authoritative women's ministry within the Bible. And where the previous view assumes cultural inferiority, this one fails to think about cultural and biblical context entirely.

All these approaches fail to take the authority and/or nature of the Bible seriously.

The only way to appropriately deal with the issue while maintaining biblical authority is to look carefully at all the biblical evidence for and against women in ministry and then make your decision based on what you think the Bible is saying. You can't base your decision on just one or two proof-texts that support your argument, you can't just make up your mind without the Bible, because this isn't an issue the Bible is silent on, and you can't just make up your mind on a cursory reading of the Bible, because the issue is too complex. It needs thought, prayer, diligence and an openness to be change your mind.

As this is such a volatile issue, and but not really that important in the scheme of things (i.e. it's not a salvation issue), I reckon most people should deliberately not make up their minds. Unless you're going to put in the effort to decide on what you actually think the Bible is saying, perhaps it's better to just sit on the fence. It's not as if your indecision is going to stop people hearing about Jesus. And if you don't make a decision it saves you getting into fights and alienating people who disagree with you and it frees you up to get on with the more important things Christ calls us too.*

If you do want to have the debate then do the work to take the Bible seriously and work out what God has to say on the issue. To take the authority of the Bible seriously will mean that those who are for allowing women to do all types of ministry need to be willing to change their view if they find that the Bible states otherwise. For those who are holding on to male only eldership in the church also need to be willing to change their mind if they find their views are inconsistent with the Bible.

Too often we are holding our views because of something other than the Bible. We use the Bible to prop up their own ideas of equality or our own chauvinist values. When we are willing to ignore the teaching of the Bible because it clashes with our own ideas of what is right and wrong, then the Bible has ceased to be authoritative in our life.

Of course the problem is that if we base our decisions on the Bible we are in danger of offending people and/or being culturally insensitive, but if we base our decisions on something other than the Bible we are in danger of allowing God's revealed truth be be of secondary importance to accepted cultural truth. It will mean that the gospel can only be truthful if it fits in with cultural norms and the gospel will never fit in with the norms of any culture.

The greatness of what God has done in the gospel will always fly in the face of culture because universal human sinfulness and helplessness, and divine wrath, favour and forgiveness will never find a comfortable fit with any group of people in any time of history. The very fact that the Gospel transforms culture means that it must always be regarded as being above culture. We need to interpret culture in light of the Gospel not the Gospel in light of culture.

When we erode the authority of the Bible, we erode the authority of the gospel and we limit the chance it has to transform culture and transform lives.**

As far as I know of all those of you who read my blog your views on gender roles and biblical authority will stretch right across the spectrum, from conservative to liberal to the people who aren't Christians and consequently don't care at all. So for some of you biblical authority is a non-issue, you've never claimed to have the Bible as a guiding authority in your life. For others you like the Bible and see it as containing truth about God but you aren't willing to view it all as authoritative and inspired. Others of you are like me and you view the Bible as the inerrant word of God, authoritative because it is God's revelation of himself to us through which he uniquely helps us to understand it by the Holy Spirit.

So being who I am and having my views on the Bible I think the most helpful thing we can do for the debate on gender roles is to continually call people to have the debate in love, tolerance and openness to be wrong. We need to assess and re-assess the biblical evidence, and base our decisions on that. If we start to allow the church to make up it's mind on issues by established prejudice or by what is culturally accepted and appropriate rather than on what the Bible teaches we erode the strength our best, most reliable source of God's revelation. It'd be rather a shame, in our rush to hold on to what we think is right to ignore our best source of wisdom on what God thinks is right.


*I understand that some will view not allowing women to do every role as an injustice against women. And to do the work of Christ will be to fight against any kind of oppression of people due to their gender, race, age, looks or anything else. As far as I can tell the Bible is clear about the equal value and importance of both male and female. Both are created in God's image, both have equal access to God and his salvation, both are gifted by God to do good works and serve. Whatever the Bible teaches it does not teach that one gender is ontologically inferior to another. The debate, if had biblically, is whether equal value is equivalent to equal access to roles within the church. If that is the case and equality is firmly established how it is expressed should not a central issue to most Christians.

**Happily, it's God's gospel and not ours of even if we do manage to erode the authority of the gospel, it's going keep marching on transforming the world regardless of what we do to stop it. But the fact that God's saving transforming work is going to go on regardless of what we do is no excuse for us to neglect to protect the purity of the gospel and the authority of the Bible. Just because God will work despite us doesn't mean that's the way he wants to do it.

I read this article in SMH. For the record I like public holidays.

I think Muslims should be allowed to not work on their public holidays. I'm happy Christians don't have to work on theirs. If the Zoroastrians want a few days off too, they should get them.

I'm all up for a pluralistic society with pro-active freedom of religion. Especially if it means we all get more days off.

I've decided that I need to keep a journal. At least a second journal to my normal prayer journal. My prayer journal is pretty dull, and a little embarrassing. I need to keep another journal full of inspirational stuff so that if I die (probably more like when I die, if I'm being realistic) it can be published and everyone will see that my inner spiritual life was amazing and Christian youth speakers can quote me for years to come.

I'll write things like "I just want to live for you Jesus" and "I now realise that it's only through embracing brokenness that God will show us his true picture of wholeness" and "I met my greatest enemy again today, you know the guy who stabbed me in the kidney last year? I saw he was being beaten up by a gang of thugs at Hornsby Station. I ran in to help. They broke my leg and made me blind in one eye. Thank you Lord that I can share in your sufferings. I hope my enemy is ok and not too scared to go to the station in the future, he could lose his job if he's afraid of the train. Jesus bless him."

I'm pretty sure that'll be a best seller at Koorong. The only problem is that I'll be dead so I won't get any of the money. Perhaps I will have to fake my death too. That way I can funnel the money from my estate into my secret account and live happily forever.

Faking my own death also means I can plan to die in the most inspirational way possible to do maximum book sales. I think I will be tortured to death in some hard-line middle eastern country's prison for refusing to renounce my faith after being arrested giving food and the gospel of Mark in Arabic comic book form to impoverished terrorist children.

If that doesn't make you buy my journal, you've got no heart.

I'll just have to make sure I mark which journal is the inspirational one clearly. It'd be terrible to go to all the trouble to fake your own inspirational death and then people read your journal and realise you were actually pretty dull:

"Thank you God that I didn't get that job. It looked crap anyway."

"Please give me grace because I didn't study for my exam again."

"Please make my hair grow fast because this haircut looks terrible. Only on my head though. My back hair is growing fast enough."

So a movie plot arrived in my head tonight. I'm sure it's at least one movie. Probably many. But I can't think of any. Except maybe the trailer for Funny People (but I haven't seen the film so I don't know if this is what happens). So if you guys know a film like this let me know what it is:

Boy meets Girl.
Boy likes Girl.
Boy and Girl are friends, and do or do not get together.
Boy and Girl break up/never got together, but Boy always loves Girl.
Boy leaves Girl's life and/or Girl meets Guy who is horrible to her, but she falls in love with him.
Girl marries Idiot Man
After a few years Girl is unhappy with Idiot Man.
Boy comes back into Girl's life.
Boy and Girl have an affair.

And then obviously they are happy till Idiot Man finds out and things go pear shaped.

So what's the film? I know there are plenty of Girl is married to Idiot, Girl has affair. But I can't think of Girl marries Idiot has affair with old nice Boy who loved her.

Any thoughts?

"It's time to get real - fat people may be happier but they're also digging their graves with a fork, and we're all paying for it." - Suzie O'Brien

I like to think of myself as a pretty broad tasted guy when it comes to my listening habits. I pride myself on the fact that I don't listen to just Hillsong and 103.2. In fact I would say I'm a snob. I look down on people who only listen to Christian stuff and judge them for their small mindedness. (Dear Reader, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about other people.)

Looking at my iPod here are the last ten artists I have listened to:

1. John Piper (Christian Preacher)
2. John Stott (Christian Preacher)
3. Mark Meynell (Christian Preacher)
4. Tom French (Christian Preacher)*
5. Tom Waits (Non-Christian!)
6. Tim Keller (Christian Preacher)
7. Tim Hughes (Christian Worship Artist)
8. Damien Rice (Non-Christian!)
9. Brenton Brown (Christian Worship Artist)
10. Anberlin (Christian Emo)

What a shame. Further down the list is Linkin Park, Yellowcard and The Boss. But really, my iPod is just like a regular church service in my pocket. My snobbery dictates now that I should look down on myself.

It's also interesting that right now I seem to have a preference for Johns, Toms and Tims. Who would have thought?

I promise to do better next time.


* That's a little embarrassing. I forgot I listened to myself when I started the list. Had I remembered I would have saved this post till I had dropped off the end and none of you would have been any the wiser.

I just had to make a phone call and withdraw from the application process for a job. I got so nervous I'm sure the woman on the phone thought I was about to cry. It was very embarrassing.

Breaking up is hard to do.

I got a hair cut today. My hair is now short. My hairdresser was a from the land of Iraq. This was some of our conversation:

Him: What you want?
Me: Shorter, neater.
Him: What number?
Me: No number, just the scissors. Sometimes I get a four on the sides. I'm not very good with hair. I don't know what looks good.
Him: I know, you like zero.
Me: No. I don't like zero.
Him: You look good with zero.
Me: I'll have no hair. I'm not that brave. I'm losing my hair so I'll have a zero soon enough.
Him: You come to me in five years, you say "I want zero", I say "You don't need zero. Your hair is all gone." You married?
Me: No.
Him: Girlfriend?
Me: No.
Him: Headache?
Me: Sometimes.
Him: You get too many headaches from girlfriends?
Me: That's why I don't have one. *I think that's probably a lie.* Are you married?
Him: No.
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Him: Yes. But we need to break. She give me too many headaches. I don't like her. Two months I have not seen her, only talk on phone.
Me: That sounds like you should break up.
Him: Yes. You meet girls at work?
Me: Some, but they're mostly old.
Him: How old?
Me: 40.
Him: You like forty-year-olds?
Me: No, the people I work with are forty.
Him: The girls like forty-year-olds?
Me: Maybe. They're too old of me, they're forty.
Him: You like younger. 20 is good. Or 25 you like?
Me: 25 is a good age.
Him: Yes. 25 good age to sex.
Me: Laughs

Usually I don't like hairdresser talk, but this guy was more fun.

Dear Internet,

You've changed my life. For the most part, thank you.

Love,

Tom

Last night all my dreams were just filled with lawyers. It was wholly unsatisfying.

Sorry Victor.

I went to college this morning despite the almost overwhelming desire to wag.

On the way home I was sleepy because I'd gotten up so early. So as usual I fell asleep on the express from Strathfield to Hornsby. As I slept I vaguely heard the guard say over the loudspeaker "Next stop Hornsby" and in my sleepy state I thought to myself "No it's not, she's got it wrong" and went back to sleep.

20 minutes later I woke up and the carriage was a lot emptier. I looked out the window and noticed a lot of bush and no houses. I was way past Hornsby. Oops.

I felt a little bit dumb and tried not to obviously react in case the whole train realised I'd overslept and also thought I was dumb.

A minute or so later the train came around a corner and I suddenly got a view out over Brooklyn, over the bridges, the water, the bush, island. It was beautiful. In that moment I felt like sleeping past my station was totally worth it just for that view. It's a good looking part of the world that.

The train's first stop was Woy Woy, so I hopped off. Another train arrived to take me back to Hornsby 2 minutes later and I was right as rain.

That is until the ticket inspectors turned up in the carriage. I stressed about not having the right ticket, planned my whole explanation and was ready when he arrived. In the end all I needed to say was "I have the wrong ticket, I slept past my station" and show him my ticket and he let me off. I was disappointed I didn't get to tell him my story.

Lucky I have a blog.

Here's a question I was thinking about today that most of you probably won't answer:

If they were going to do a new adaptation of "Dune" for the cinema, who would you want to direct it?

I was thinking Ridley Scott, Danny Boyle or Neill Blomkamp. Thoughts?

I hung out with some of the boys from Church last night. We went to the RSL, talked about manly things while drinking beer and then went to a movie. We went to see Fighting. I hadn't heard of the film till I saw it on the Greater Union session board. I figured with a name like Fighting it would be hard for the film to disappoint. (Unless it was about middle aged marriage breakdown, those movies are always depressing.)

The turned out to be about a guy who gets pulled into the underground bare-knuckle fighting scene. It's obviously cashing in on the UFC (Ultimate Fighting) craze sweeping American testosterone at the moment. It's the film that Never Back Down wanted to be but wasn't.

I was actually rather impressed. There were some solid performances from the leads. And the film seemed to be aware of subtlety (at least relative to most other films in it's genre). It had a restrained feel about it. The whole time I thought it was going to bust out into training montages, slow motion punches and girls in bikinis, to keep it's teenage male target audience happy, but it didn't. It held back. I appreciated that.

The film felt like Rocky if it had been made today. It wasn't as amazing as Rocky, but it had the messiness and some of the charm of Rocky. Often times people would have conversations that were a mess. Characters would fail to articulate their feelings properly, they'd neglect to tell each other information, they'd end up fighting and misunderstanding each other. It was nice. I didn't always know why they'd get angry at each other, but then again, we often don't quite know how we end up getting angry at each other either. Someone says something, the other person hears it wrong, and your both left to wonder what went wrong. I loved the inability of the characters to articulate what they needed to say. It felt real.

And to top it all off there was fighting. In fact the fighting was probably the most disappointing part of the film. It wasn't bad, but you missed a lot of the action because the film makers were obviously going for a more accessible rating. Still I did enjoying the fighting, I just wish I could have seen more of it.

So I reckon see Fighting. It's not going to change the world. But it's a solid little performer that's brave enough to do the youth, UFC film without resorting to hot girls and inane bad guys.

Chances are if you know me you'll know that I have all these dumb phobias about dumb things. Like hair dressers, foreign coffee shops and parties.

Parties are bad because you have figure out the appropriate dress code (casual, smart-casual, semi-formal, formal, dress-up), the appropriate gift policy and the appropriate time of arrival.

On Saturday I had to go to an engagement party afternoon tea picnic. That caused me particular stress because while you can usually figure out what to wear to an engagement party (smart-casual) if it's in a park, that's a little bit harder. Were it a barbecue, you'd know you could probably go casual. But afternoon tea? Not so sure.

Then there was the problem that the invitation told us to bring some food to share. Now this always scares me. This scares me worse than clothes and gifts. Firstly I can't cook. I can't bake cupcakes, I can't make sandwiches, and I don't do scones and jam. Second, what do people eat for afternoon tea anyway? I never have afternoon tea or if I do it looks remarkably like last night's dinner.

So I ended up going to the shops wandering the isles, feeling stressed and imagining everyone laughing at me when I turn up with the wrong thing. I ended up opting for Doritos and salsa. I stressed a bit about the fact that you can't serve Doritos at a party straight out of a packet and I did have a bowl. Plus no one who's worried about their image eats corn chips for afternoon tea, it's just not done. But I decided that corn chips were better than muesli bars, which was my other supermarket option.

As I drove to the party I continued to worry about the Doritos and how they weren't cupcakes (probably the ultimate afternoon-tea party food). When I arrived I had decided to leave my food in the car, wander over to the party, and then if the table looked like it needed some Doritos and dip I'd say "Oh, I forgot get my food out of the car" and the go and get it. This cunning plan would save me the public scorn from providing inferior food.

In the end the table was well stocked with food, even Doritos, so I just quietly slipped into the party in the hopes that no one would notice that I didn't contribute anything. I never went back to the car for the Doritos. I thought by that stage that the embarrassment of having to put food on the table late would be worse than having brought no food at all, especially when I was pretty sure no one noticed that I was stingy.

The upside to all this however, was that I could take the Doritos to the Church picnic the next day, so I did and they got squashed by a ball. Success!

It's hard going to parties sometimes.

In the ten jobs to apply for this fortnight (which I did in one week), I had four to apply for today. Of the four I applied for, two were to do work with people with disabilities. Those two both have contacted me to make interview times with me. Which leads me to think three things:

1) The disabilities sector may be fairly desperate for people right now.
2) Adopting Hannah could have be a very foresighted career move on the part of my family on my behalf.
3) Why didn't I start applying for these jobs earlier?

Plus there are one or two other possibilities floating around at the moment, so it's nice that this quiet season might be coming an end.

We had a guest preacher at church last night. I had been looking forward to him all week. I had heard people tell me he was good. I think I may have even listened to him online.

He preached on Jeremiah 1. You don't often hear people preach on Jeremiah. But this guy knew Jeremiah well. He told us to be obedient to God's call and that our excuses are never good enough for God.

I was challenged. He did well. I wasn't disappointed. He can come back.

Cadbury Dairy Milk is going Fairtrade. Applause.

I saw a man walking along with a three legged dog today. The dog was hobbling along in typical three-legged dog fashion. A woman also walking a dog (with four legs) went over to him and pointed to the dog and said something. The man stopped and got the dog to lie down. As I walked past him he was checking the dog's single front paw looking concerned. I wanted to say to him "I don't think that's the leg you should be worried about."

I didn't though, just in case the guy already knew.

I had a very productive day today. I had holographic peace talks with Kim Jong Il. We talked about sailing, this unseasonable weather and the musical Cats.

We're working towards a better world.

I thought I was going to finish college this semester but I sent an email to the registrar to make sure, and he wrote back and said that after this semester I still have one more subject to go. Ah, shame.

But when I asked him what I have to do he said TH403, which is a theology subject. So it turns out, I'm not disappointed at all. I love theology. I'll happily spend another six months at college for theology. I might even get to buy some more big books. Woo!

Now I have to find out what Theology subject it is. I'm guessing it's "Holy Spirit, Grace and Hope" but that's just a guess.

Just got a sweet cheque and a late group certificate in the post. Thank you Jesus, the riches are coming!

In follow up to the last post: We did meet at the pub, he wasn't over 18 and I bought him pink lemonade. As you can see he was pretty angry I wouldn't buy him Jägerbombs.

I currently typing this offline. My internet has a problem with working after about midnight these days. As does the light in my room. It works fine during the day, switch it on at night, nada.

Tomorrow (today) I'm going to have lunch with a guy from my old youth group. He organised to meet me at the pub. He's not 18 yet, not for another two weeks or so. Sneaky bugger. It's probably a set up and he's wearing a hidden camera for Today/Tonight. They're going to be doing a story on corruption in the church. "Ex-Youth Minister takes ex-youth out for under-age drink." Well, I'm not going to be fooled that easy. No sir. I'm going to teach the kid a lesson. The only drink he'll be drinking tomorrow is pink lemonade. He's not allowed within 2 metres of the bar which means I'm buying. Pink lemonade punk! That's what you get for trying to punk a pastor.

If he gives me any cheek I'll lock him in the car with the windows up and go play the pokies.

I just did the "how many people want to [colourful euphemism] you?" quiz on Facebook. This was my result:



Classy.

I went and saw District 9 the other night. I was looking forward to it. Some people, like Harry Knowles, have said it's the best sci-fi of the new millennium and raved about it's ground breaking take on the sci-fi genre. Other people, like Chris Morphew, said that it didn't live up to the thinky-apartheid hype and was more about blowing things up that dealing with issues.

Frankly, I was happy for either blowing stuff up or issues. If there could be both...perfect.

Well for me, there was both. The first half of the film was shot like a documentary about alien injustice. And I was hooked from the beginning. I cared about the issues. I wanted to be out there protesting for alien rights. I was angry about MNU conspiracy and the abuse of sentient beings. I wanted justice. Free Mandela!

And then the second half gave way to awesome alien-versus-elite-private-military-versus-gang-lord violence. There were guns, explosions and people splattering all over the place. And half a movie of emotional set up left me with no doubt who to cheer for. I was jittery in my seat with the excitement.

The main character is the kinda guy who is so selfish and unpleasant for most of the film you just want to punch him out. That fact that he's the only hope for the aliens means you're not sure whether the like him or hate him. It was good bit of conflict they created.

In the end the film left me feeling both a disgust at injustice and the thrill of seeing some fantastic action. It left me feeling similar to how I felt about Taken.

I was well impressed by District 9. I want to see it again.

Yesterday I went to Newcastle. I went to do some filming for Soul Survivor with Geldo and the world's most famous Christian named Fuzz. Geldo was excited to tell me that he'd got me an HD camera. He did. It was a still SLR camera which also shot video at full HD. It was interesting. It meant the lens was lovely, but the functionality was terrible and you couldn't attach an external mic and the internal one was probably terrible. Plus I felt a bit dumb when Matt (Geldo) would send me off to film some Novacastrian youth worker and I'd pull out the camera and they'd say "You're filming me with that?"

Still I had fun, I like filming. I got to spend a lot of the day by myself travelling around the city filming stuff. I enjoyed that. I also ate noodles.

In the car home Geldo and Fuzz both gave me quotes for the blog. This time I don't have to pretend they're mine. That's nicer.

"If being a teenager is all about building castles in the sky then adulthood is all about building ladders to get there."

and

"If Newcastle is to remain new it must be renewed."

I went out for dinner last night with my churchies. I only had $5. I did mention this while people were making decisions but the people who heard it didn't seem that concerned. I also didn't say it very loud. I'm not sure that imposing my poverty on a group is really that friendly.

We ended up at a pizza and pasta place where the cheapest pizza was $16.50. I could however afford garlic bread. But Loz and Will were sitting opposite me and they both offered to cover my costs. This was most kind of them.

I ordered a Hawaiian pizza. When all our meals came it turned out that me and the guy next to me were the only people who had ordered a whole pizza. Everyone else was sharing. That was a little embarrassing. The poorest guy orders the biggest meal.

I made sure I ate the whole pizza to justify the buying of it. I felt a little full, but you have to keep up appearances. Though it may have looked a little like: "The poor guy never gets to eat. Look at how he ate the whole pizza. It's probably the first thing he's eaten all week."

The whole process of having my whole dinner brought for me was rather stressful. I don't like having people pay for stuff for me. I'm rather independent and I like being independent. To be at the stage where to eat like everyone else you need other people to pay for you is not independence. At least not when they actually pay for you. If I really wanted to be independent I could have just gone home, or bought the garlic bread or shopped at Woolies and sat outside the restaurant with my $5 worth of Fantastic Noodles.

But having things bought for you is good for you. I've always advocated that as Christians what just as important as learning to show grace is learning to accept grace. I've talked about it often. I may have blogged about it, I definitely preached about it.

I've always felt that we need to learn not to argue when people offer to buy stuff for us, to pay for our drink, or do us a favour. Not to say "I'll pay you back", "I'll get the next round", "I owe you one". Just to say "Thank you."

And I was getting alright at that. At least at not arguing too much. And just accepting. Although I'd often say things like "I'll pay for you next time." just to make myself feel better.

But last night caused me much more consternation. I think the problem we have with accepting grace is the power imbalance it creates. The one giving grace is the powerful one, the person receiving it is the weak one. We love to show grace, to pay for things, to shout drinks, because it feels good, it is good and we look good. But when we accept grace we can look weak, poor, and dependant. We don't like to be people who can't look after themselves.

In the past when people have paid for stuff, I've accepted it. Often it's ok because it's been part of my quest to understand grace better by accepting grace better. But I've also been able to rationalise it in my head and think to myself "I could have paid for that if I needed to" or "I didn't need that but it's a nice gift." I have been able to reduce the power imbalance in my head so that taking grace has not been so humbling.

But last night was different. The was no way to talk myself out of it. I have no way of paying back people. I had no way of paying for my dinner. I have no spare money in bank accounts. I literally had $5 in my wallet and $3 in the bank. I cannot say "I'll pay next time" or "I'll pay you back" (Though at one stage I did say a feeble "When I'm rich I'll take you guys out to dinner"), because I don't know if I will be able to do either of those. The power imbalance was real. I was powerless, they were powerful. It wasn't just an exercise in politeness or learning about grace. It was just me having to accept other people doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. There was no pretence in this grace. I really am just poor (relatively) and to do life with my friends I need help.

And that bugged me. I want to be strong. I want to be self-sufficient. I want grace to be a lifestyle choice not a necessity.

But having to accept grace on other people's terms is good for me. Because grace isn't really that impressive when the grace your shown you could have done for yourself.

The gospel is not about a God who knew we could rescue ourselves but thought he'd just save us the effort. It's not a polite exchange between equals. The power imbalance is real and eternal. We have no way of saving ourselves. Our sin is too great, our goodness too impotent. We are totally in need of God's forgiveness and redemption because we can never attain them ourselves. In Jesus' death and resurrection he pays the way because we are totally spiritually and morally bankrupt. Our only hope is Jesus.

We need to learn to accept grace not as people who choose it because it's the best option available but because it's the only choice we have. We do not come to God as equals but desperate paupers. The only status we have beyond that is status that has been bestowed upon us by the grace of God who gives us every spiritual blessing in Christ.

And that is what I learnt about last night through my Hawaiian pizza. Grace hurts because it humbles us. But grace is amazing because it saves us.

Thanks for the pizza folks.

Them: Who was Michelangelo?
Him: A painter.
Them: What did he paint?
Him: He painted the sixteenth channel.

I love this ad on Facebook for getting buff.

They've just ripped this picture of Edward Norton off American History X and cropped it.

"Get great abs, become a neo-Nazi."

"Argh." These are my parents. I like them.

I stole the photo off my Mum's current Facebook photo uploading extravaganza. Thanks Ma.

We're doing a series on Just Walk Across the Room at church at the moment. On Monday night I went to a Bible study about living in 3D. (I can't remember what the three Ds stand for. Dedication, Dieting and Dogmatics perhaps.) We watched a video of Bill Hybels sitting on a wharf surrounded by yachts talking about evangelism while wearing bad glasses. He told us stories of converting people while racing yachts, which felt was a little bit incongruous with the majority of Christians in the world. At least it wasn't "Mega-Church Pastor converts CEOs while playing polo and racing Porches."

But aside from the video we were given the task of talking to the people in our group about our neighbours. We had to write in our book the names of our neighbours, whether we'd had a meaningful conversation with them, what they did for a job and whether they were Christians or not. I didn't write a list because I had a borrowed book. But if I did write a list, I realised I would have known the name of one of our neighbours. And I only know that because he came and talked to Jenny after she called the police when an angry man started smashing their windows when they weren't home. I've never talked to him personally. I wave at the people behind us when I see them and say "Hello" when the Mum and daughter come home from school, but that's about it. I've been in our place almost a year and I haven't had a conversation with one of our neighbours. That's pretty poor.

Yesterday I had a coffee with Geldo and he was telling me about a guy he knows who church planted where all they did was meet their neighbours and give them bread and drink tea with them (or something). That sounded pretty friendly to me.

I'm a big fan of "community". I'm just not that good at it. I think I want to do better. The introvert in me would love to just continue my comfortable existence. But I feel like that's not exactly the best option. I can't exactly be a blessing to and be blessed by those in my community if I don't know any of them. So I'll try and be on the look out now foropportunities, or excuses, to meet my neighbours. And if anyone has any good ideas, feel free to share.

I've been watching Mad Men lately. It's a very good show. I'm only 8 episodes into Season 1, but I'm loving it. It's so idyllic looking with so much messiness and horrid behaviour just beneath the surface. It's kinda like watching Revolutionary Road in slow motion. While Kate and Leo screamed and threw stuff at each other, the characters in this just eat away at each other with passive-aggressiveness. The acting is classy and the art direction is amazing. I'm very impressed.

It's not my replacement West Wing. It may even be better made than West Wing but it's totally lacking the optimism of the West Wing. What it's not lacking is Zoe Bartlett (Elisabeth Moss) who plays Peggy, and does a bang up job at it.

I reckon this show's a keeper.

Now I just have to get my hands on The Wire.

Not all horses have riders but all riders have horses.

I went back to my old church on Sunday. It was odd. I think what was most odd was that it felt so normal. I expected it to feel like I was intruding. But it just felt like home. Except perhaps that people were more excited to see me than they ever were when I was going there.

I got pulled up to talk about my life and I felt bad about telling people that I'm unemployed. Partly because it's embarrassing, partly because I feel like I'm letting the church down by not doing what I left to do. Although I am, I may not be getting paid for my experiences, but I am experiencing the life of almost 6% of the population, which is probably rather helpful for ministry. It's not like there are any professions out there with 6% of the population. And while unemployment is not really that hard to do, it's not exactly easy. For many people it leads to depression, feelings of uselessness, addiction to gaming consoles and tracksuit pants.

I have had a remarkably happy unemployment. Probably because I had money for most of it. And because I left my job on purpose to live the life I live on purpose. If I work, I'm learning, growing, experiencing. If I don't work, I'm learning, growing and experiencing. Plus I've had plenty of voluntary work to do, and college learning to boot. But it's also meant that I've had to work hard to not let myself be defined by my unemployment. So often we define ourselves by our job. And not having one leaves you with a bit of an identity crisis. Especially when people say "What do you do?" "Apply for 10 jobs a fortnight" doesn't really sound that good. Perhaps I should find some other responses:

"I study the global economic crisis from the perspective of the unemployed."
"I'm a systems worker with Centrelink."
"I work the job market."
"I do paperwork for the Federal Government."

Still perhaps the best response is just to say "I'm unemployed" and not worry about how people view me and not let my identity be defined by my employment or lack of.

This post was meant to be about visiting my old church, but I got distracted.

So anyway, it was nice to go back. I loved seeing people. There were some guys from the youth group that I missed talking to which was sad. It reminded me that I miss my old church. If I'd hated it when I left things probably would have been different. I should have started more fights. Oh well.

I do like my new church however. I look forward to the day when it feels like home too.

Essay is done. Handed in. I rewarded myself for 8 years of poorly written essays with a Bacon Deluxe meal from Hungary Jacks. The bacon was square. Fitting really. Poorly executed bacon for poorly executed essays.

The special vanishing boxers have been found. They shacked up in the sleeve of one of my jackets with one of my socks. Peter was right. I should keep an eye out in future for more items of clothing sneaking off for illicit rendezvous with other items of clothing in other items of clothing. I'm having trouble figuring out if the jacket was also involved in the affair, just facilitating the affair, or just being used because of it's bulk. If it was in fact a three-way laundry liaison I am rather disgusted by the moral turpitude of my clothing and I shall be taking action to do segregated washes from now on. It's as bad as running a youth camp. "No socks in the boxers wash, no boxers in the jackets wash, and no jackets in the boxers or socks wash."

I am in the process of writing my last essay for college eva!*

This is an exciting feeling. My eight years of perpetual essay writing are coming to an end. If I finish this and hand it in tomorrow it will be first essay I've handed in on time in three years. I think that's pretty good.

The essay is on church government which I'm finding interesting because, while you probably wouldn't guess it, I've been thinking a lot about the subject lately. I have to compare and contrast two forms of Church Government and then propose the perfect one. I have decided that neither Episcopalian, Presbyterian or Congregational are perfect (they're the big three). So I will create my own. I'm trying to decide what to call it. Right now I'm thinking Tommunism and if you are a member of my denomination you'll be called a Tommunist.



First Bishop of the Tommunist Church

I read a little book by Driscoll on Church Leadership while doing my study. It's annoying but of everything I read I think I like his form of church government the best. But I'm not going write that in my essay. I'm going write about Tommunism (which will be like Driscollism, but better).


*That is assuming that I pass and that this is actually my last semester and there aren't subjects that I should have done but didn't. But I'm pretty sure this is it. It's also assuming I don't go do a masters one day or something dumb like that. But I probably won't. I'm pretty crap at being academic

I went to the interview at the funeral place today. I saw a room full of coffins. They were all hanging on the wall like bunk beds. It looked like vampire camp.

Lucky Edward Cullen doesn't sleep in a coffin or funeral homes would be regularly invaded by teenage girls wanting a sleep over.

How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

Psalm 116:12-14

I did a wash yesterday and as I was putting my clothes into the washing machine I noticed right at the bottom of the basket was one of my favourite pairs of boxers. I put them in with a little bit of joy because I knew they'd clean and ready to wear again soon.

Once everything was washed I hung out the clothes. But I realised, after hanging them all out, that I hadn't hung out that lovely pair of boxers. I went and looking in the washing machine, not there. I checked around the clothes line in case they had fallen on the ground and I missed them, not there. I checked in the clothes on the line in case they were stuck in there, Nope. I even checked in the plants under the clothes line, I found two socks but no boxers. I have no idea where they could have gone.

The boxers have just disappeared. There aren't that many options and they've just vanished. It's a mystery that isn't really all that interesting, but a mystery none the less.

You're probably all wondering what I did with Facebook.

I didn't delete it. I really wanted to but decided it's probably too useful for ministry.

But for the moment, while I still feel the need to use Facebook to show everyone how wonderful I am this is what I've decided to do:

- Stop updating my status
- Stop commenting on other people's statuses
- Comment on photos only if I think they're really worth commenting on
- Reply to inbox messages and wall posts
- Stop tagging photos or uploading photos
- Check Facebook less
- Send more emails

I'm not sure I'm going to stick to this forever. Probably just till I stop feeling the need to check Facebook all the time. I got sick of it wasting my time, having to read everyone's status updates (most of which are useless) and most of all I got sick of worrying about projecting the proper image of myself to everyone on Facebook. So now I will attempt to project very little image at all.

"Vanity, vanity, everything is vanity."

I will probably keep looking at photos of myself though. I do like to be reminded how good looking and fun loving I am.

I've noticed a growing trend of excitable Driscoll followers swelling the ranks of conservative evangelicals over the past few months. These are usually young men, and their submissive girlfriends, who religiously get Driscoll's podcast, quote him regularly and will vigorously defend the doctrines of predestination and ecclesiastical male headship when needed. They're the neo-Calvinists, they listen to John Piper too but their main man is Driscoll. They're the Driscollites.

I think I particularly noticed it on this camp. We had a "Big Questions" night that I was running. I decided to run it as a discussion among the campers facilitated by me, rather than just me answering all the questions. For the first time ever in one of these discussions I had a sizable chunk of people vigorously discussing predestination with all the best informed people arguing for total depravity and unconditional election. Usually it's just me explaining predestination to a bunch of teenagers who are saying things like "my brain hurts".

When the issue of women in ministry came up the only argument made with any cohesiveness was for not having women in ministry and it was the only view viewpoint defended. Only at the end of the discussion did I point out that the issue was much more divided that had been presented and that there are also strong Biblical arguments for having women in ministry.

People came up to me on camp and asked me if I was an Arminian or a Calvinist.

I'm pretty sure this is all the work of the Driscollites.

Now I'm not saying this is a bad trend. As many of you would know, I'm a regular Driscoll listener myself. I love listening to him. In fact I think he's my favourite preacher to listen to at the moment. I appreciate his clarity, his solid Bibleness, his humour, his willingness to give the hard word and his obsessive focus on Jesus. He is very good at what he does.

However He hasn't instilled in me a rabid love of Calvinism. Nor has he convinced me of his view point for the role of women in the church and family.

I guess I am interested to see this Driscollite thing happening. I think it's great that there are so many young men passionately caring about theology and the faithful teaching of Scripture. I worry a little that Driscoll's opinionated approach to preaching has rubbed off on the Driscollites giving them a keen need to instil in people doctrinal correctness. In my experience of conservative evangelical men they can sometimes get more obsessed with doctrine than Jesus, and evangelism starts with Jesus but ends with Luther. This isn't new, but Driscoll seems to have opened up the obsession to a whole new and broader cross-section.

If I had to hope for anything to come out of this I hope it opens more young men up to a love of Jesus, a love of the Bible and a love of preaching. I hope the Driscollites (of which I may be one) don't just stop at Dricoll but get excited to get the podcasts of all sorts of preachers. To get Louie Giglio's gentleness, Rob Bells lateral Biblical contextualisation and focus on the poor, to get John Stott's calm, understated evangelical passion, John Piper's thoroughness, Paul Washer's anger, T.D. Jake's excitement. And I hope that they discover a bunch of preachers I know nothing about. I'd love to see this Driscoll wave open people up, not narrow them down. So that by the end they've seen Jesus through many different eyes, and love him, worship him and proclaim him more and better because of it.

It does occur to me that I haven't really blogged about Camp. But I don't really want to. What I will say though is that it was good and the talks went well. I continued to sweat my way through them. It was only on the last day that I managed to maintain a normal body temperature throughout the exercise.

This camp's celebrity look alike for me was Jerry Seinfeld. I prefer Chris Martin. I think Ryan Gosling has been by favourite though. Ronald McDonald my least favourite.

I returned from camp this arvo and my email inbox is overflowing with emails. Three from someone called Ash. One just said "Hi" and then two that said:

"Whats cookin good lookin..its ASH*LEY! remember me..
we use to chat on F_B til u DELETED ME lol.. well anyways no more BF
so lets hook up.. chat me on here

A`~ I M = DizzyOil3
M ~S -N = IzzyTutzy *a*t L.I.V.E dot -com-"

Now I'm not the kinda guy to go pursuing random women over the internet. (I only pursue random pastors over the internet.) But I did feel a little bad for this girl that she thought we could now get together since she's broken up with her boyfriend. It was clearly a case of mistaken identity, as I've never deleted anyone from my Facebook, and I can't remember chatting to anyone called Ash.

So I wrote back to her explaining the mistaken identity in the hope that she will one day find her true love who has an email address similar to mine.

She wrote back immediately and invited me to chat in her VIP chat room.

Damn it! I hadn't seen it. I wrote back to a spam bot. Foolish. Now I'm going to get double spammed.

It was the fact that she wrote like a teenager that got me. I tend not to ignore teenagers who contact me on the internet and say they know me because generally they do and I've just forgotten them from some camp or other I did.

Oh well. I hope Spambot Ash finds her true love. I don't think I'll go meet her in her VIP chat room.

I'm on camp at the moment.

Actually I'm not, I'm at home. But I was on Camp till two hours ago. I'm the Senior High speaker and we're talking about Jonah.

Unfortunately I arrived at camp on Saturday and had a little bit of cough. Yesterday morning I felt pretty terrible and asked to be excused from the Leader training. Fever, cough, that sort of thing. In the afternoon I sat in at the back of the Camp Welcome for all the campers and the Director saw me and afterwards he asked me to stay in my room. So I got quarantined. I think he's worried it's swine flu.

I pretty much spent all yesterday and all today in my tiny little room, with just a bed, a desk, a phone that rings some times (but I don't answer it), and a bookshelf with old Christian books on it. It felt like a cross between prison and hospital, but it's probably better than both.

The lack of stimulation didn't really bother me. I had my book but I spent most of my time sleeping.

I did my first talk today. I got out of bed, did my talk, and went back to bed. I'm not sure if it was any good. I remember sweating a lot.

I'm going to spend tonight at home and I'll go back tomorrow for talk two. I shouldn't be too bad tomorrow. I'm feeling much improved this afternoon. I even made it to Centrelink to squeeze some more money out of Rudd. I'm looking forward to being employed.

I'm seriously thinking about deleting Facebook. Anyone have any objections?

In honour of HP6.

I love pulling hairs out of my nose. It's really satisfying.

I was at the station today and over the loud speaker I think I heard the man say "Would the brown man in the white sneakers please stand behind the yellow line". Then one Indian turned to another Indian (wearing white sneakers and standing over the yellow line) and said "That's you man. He wants you to move."

I don't know if I heard right, but if I did, it was odd.

I'm back.

It's nice to be home. The jet lag seems to be pretty well taken care of, which is nice. The flight home was pretty easy. I was in a seat near the back of the plane with one empty seat next to me when I arrived. Then I looked up and there was a hot American girl who was sitting next to me. Suddenly the pressure of all those daydreams where you find yourself sitting next to a hot girl who also turns out to be the love of your life came tumbling down on me. I started to stress about if I should be pulling out all my suave plane traveller moves. But I needn't have worried because the girl sat down, put on headphones, eye mask, and went to sleep. She didn't take off her headphones the whole trip. Even after she woke up, and when we were diverted to Brisbane to refuel, she was stubbornly listening to Qantas radio. So there was no opportunity to dazzle her. I suspect she may have kept the headphones on as she saw the anxiety on my face when I saw her and realised I might have just stumbled into a romantic comedy. She wanted to make sure there was no romance and no comedy to be had in row 72 of that flight.

Since being in Sydney, I've just mooched around. Watched (and slept through) some DVDs, visited the parents, been barred by Oscar. I did see Helen and Jon and Helen, Mike and Hannah in Westfield yesterday when I was buying my fruity bodywash. That was serendipitous seeing as 4 out of the 6 of us had, until very recently been on other sides of the globe.

Today I'm working. I managed to turn up for work 2 hours early so I got a hair cut. The hair dresser made me look a little trendy, which caused me a fair bit of distress till I rectified it in the toilets.

And that is life back in the greatest city in the entire universe (except maybe Wellington)!

Yesterday was very expensive and very worth it.

At the beginning of the day we went on the Warner Bros. Deluxe VIP Studio Tour. That's 5 hours of touring the back lots and sound stages of Warner Bros. studios in Burbank. It's $150 more expensive than the 2 hour version, but it's oh so fun.

I love back lots and sound stages. In fact if you said to me, where would you like to spend the rest of your life, I reckon a working film studio would be top of my list. I spent much of my childhood looking at books full of pictures of studios. And then yesterday I got to spend 5 hours at one. I was so happy.

We arrived to find our parking lot just down the road from the famous Warner Bros. Water Tower. I kinda geeked out at that stage.

We got our tickets an hour before our tour started so we sat out the front reading books. I kept looking up at the sign that said "Warner Bros. Studios" and getting excited that I was actually at them.

When it was time for the tour we were shown a short film (because every tour you do here in the States has at least one film you have to watch) and then we met our guide and group. Seeing as the tour is the expensive deluxe tour I was hoping we would have die hard film fans, not rich people who just did it because it was better. I think we got a mix.

When the tour started our group looked like it was going be a bit of a problem. There was a woman and her family who was angry at the tour guide because he made them sit three people on the seat in the cart, which she found too squashy. There was a rich mother and daughter from just outside Chicago who came because they watch a lot of TV. And there was a mother and daughter from Norway. The daughter was a huge Friends fan and came just to see stuff from the show. So she got very upset when our guide told her that due to the fact that Friends is no longer filming all the sets have been archived and are no longer set up.

Still, I was very happy. And Lesley wasn't angry about anything.

The guide first took us too the back lot and showed us the fake New York streets, Chicago Streets, the New England town, the suburban street, the jungle and more. We got to walk around them and go in some of the buildings. We saw the jungle were Leo was stuck in Vietnam in "The West Wing". We saw the shop where Mog Wai was bought in Gremlins, we saw where Annie sang Tomorrow in Annie and we saw where Spiderman kissed Mary-Jane upside down in Spider Man, to name just a few.

We learnt that every building on the Warners Lot is built to look generic so it can double as something else. Some of their offices look like a motel. Some look like the entrance to a hospital, some look like a high school. It's very cool. The whole place is made to act as on big filming location.

We got taken into the sound stage for Two and a Half Men and we got to walk on the set of Chuck's apartment complex in Chuck (I've never seen the show, but I love sets). Oh it was all so fun. I love sets and lights, and set dressing.

We got taken to the work shops, and into the ADR (dialogue replacement) and orchestra recording stages.

We got given a very nice meal in the Commissary, where the stars eat, or so we're told.

We were taken to the prop storage, which was really fun, because I love props. We also got taken into a room off the side which our tour guide had deliberately not told us about. It was a room where they had set up the actual set of Central Perk from Friends. The girl from Norway got so excited. I think she might have cried a little bit. It was great to see. She'd been sad all day, and then all her dreams came true. I'm not a big Friends but I did enjoy seeing the set.

At the end of the day we got let loose in a museum full of Warners memorabilia on one floor and Harry Potter memorabilia on the other. That was lots of fun.

Then we had to go home. I can't really express how much fun I had. It was like one of those days when your dreams come true. I wish I could live at a film studio. That would just make my life.

The evening we spent at Medieval Times, which was exciting in a whole different way. I was inspired by Dicker's Mum and The Cable Guy. It's a themed restaurant set in medieval times where you dinner and watch a show of knights riding around on horses and pretending to kill each other. It was pretty tacky, and very fun. We cheered for our knights, ate meat with our hands of pewter plates, and were served by wenches. If you get the chance, you should go. The world needs more tacky themed restaurants.

I even got to go back to Medieval Times today because I left my camera there last night. But it's back safe with me now.

Today Lesley went to the Getty Centre, while I drive across LA and back getting my camera. I think it's good I didn't go to the Getty Centre too, because while it's a cool building, what I did see of it didn't really interest me much.

And now we're at the Airport, waiting in the good old ReLAX lounge ready to go home. I'll be fun.

America has been good to me. I do like this country. I'm coming back.

We went to church this morning because it's Sunday and both of us were craving Church. We went to the Presbyterian church just up the road from our hostel. They had a big sign out the front telling us "It's ok to come in sandals, he did". So I felt pretty comfortable not dressing up. Unfortunately I was the only guy there not in a collared shirt. Everyone was looking shmick in their Sunday best.

The service was pretty unimpressive. It was a special Independence day service. The kid's talk was an explanation of what the American flag stands for, and throughout the service there was no sermon or Bible, just a bunch of pre-organised people talking about why they're proud to be American. No one really mentioned Jesus in any meaningful fashion. The only time the gospel was mentioned was in the songs we sang. They band were pretty good thought.

It upset me. I go to church to celebrate Jesus. We should spend our time talking about the one who is greater than any nation. The one who gives true freedom. The one superpower who rules with true justice, mercy and compassion. I'm all for celebrating national holidays in church. I'm not for making church about your nation.

But, like I said, the band was good.

We went to Hollywood today. I wanted to see the Graumann's Chinese Theatre and the Hollywood sign. I saw both.

Hollywood is strange. Especially Hollywood Boulevard. It's a whole street full of tacky shops, bad museums, and over sized cinemas. The street is filled with people doing bad impressions of characters from movies. The whole thing was just kind of tacky. I love movies, but I can't say what I saw of Hollywood impressed me. We saw the Kodak theatre where they have the Oscars. It turns out the red carpet for the Oscars runs right through a shopping mall.

What a strange place.

We went and saw The Taking of Pelham 123 in the Chinese theatre. It's an impressive theatre. I liked it a lot. The film was fun, especially as it's all set in New York, so we got to see all the places we were at last week. I was happy we went there.

Then it was off to find the Hollywood sign. We wound our way through the Hollywood hills till we got to a really good spot to see it. I loved seeing the sign. I've seen it so many times in Australia on TV, in books, on film. And I got to see it in real life. That was cool.

Still if I ever become a famous movie star, I think I'll live in New York.

Tonight we headed off to go to Church at the Crystal Cathedral because I wanted to go to a mega-church, but by the time we had driven to the other side of LA we had to buy petrol, were running too late to get to church on time, so we just drove back to the Hostel. It was a shame. But maybe tonight's church wouldn't have been any better than this morning's.

Now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow we get a VIP tour of Warner Bros studios. That I am very excited about. Plus we're off to Medieval Times for dinner. What a wonderful way to end a holiday!

Today was Independance Day and it was good.

We'd decided to have a slow day. So it was breakfast late, followed by a movie (The Hangover - inappropriate and rather funny), followed by reading and snoozing. It was a good day.

Tonight we went to the fireworks a Culver City High School. It was exciting to go to something local, seeing what locals do. The event was on the high school football field. We sat in the bleechers surrounded by families while their 5 year olds agreesivly launched beach balls at us. The whole fied was surrounded by American flags and bunting. There was a stage at the front with a band playing classic rock songs. It was good fun. We even did Mexican waves in honour of America's illegal immigrants.

We wanted to eat hot dogs but they sold out.

The fireworks themsleves were more impressive than any school in Sydney would put on, but still small. But we weren't there for the fireworks. The fireworks were to a soundtrack of patriotic songs. I didn't know there were so many songs about American out there. I was thinking about it, in Australia we don't have any. At least none like these, God Bless America, Freedom Reigns, God Bless the USA, etc. We have Land Down Under, which is about vegemite and people vomiting, Waltzing Matilda, about a guy who kidnaps a sheep then suicides and I Still Call Australia Home, which, well that's alright. But none of them sound like praise and worship for Australia. I think I like that, because some of the American songs a little embarrassing.

Still I appreciate their love of their country. They don't play down their pride. And they love their freedom. The fireworks were the Freedom Fireworks. The songs were about freedom. And as I mentioned before every war as been fought in the name of freedom. I'm not even sure what Australia is all about. Mateship? Fair Go? Being girt by sea? I don't know. I love being Australian but buggered if I know what it actually means to be Australian.

Freedom is pretty good. It's better than conformist totalitarianism. I think perhaps I feel a little bit uncomfortable with the impression I get from here that America is the world leader in freedom. Like they invented it and export it to the rest of the world. But certainly if there is anything for a democratic society to get excited about freedom is good. Love might be better. Freedom, while positive, seems to feed into idividualism and self-interest, while love leads to community and selflessness.

But if there was a country that was all about love they'd totally get payed out by all the other countries. Their delegate to the UN would get picked on by every other UN delegates, even the African one who don't get to pick on anyone. When it comes to national values, love is for pansies. And if you dedicated your war memorials to those who "Fought and died in the cause of love" the irony would probably be a little to obvious. So freedom is better.

But like I said it's not as if Australia stands for love either. We do like to be good at swimming though. Swimming is pretty good too. Like freedom I guess.

Happy Fourth.

We've made it to the last stop on the North American World Tour: Los Angeles. We flew in this afternoon on Virgin America. Virgin American have the funnest planes I've ever been on. Which isn't really hard because most planes don't aim to be "fun". But this plane was all lit inside in purple and blue. It was kinda like being inside a flying neon sign.

Other than that it was a pretty good flight. Except that it stuffed up both our ears a bit.

We picked up our hire car at the airport, expecting it to be a Corolla they gave us a PT Cruiser. That was pretty fun, because I've always thought they'd be interesting to drive. Like the new beetle only less cool.

I didn't really get the chance to think about that, because driving was a little stressful today. It was my first time driving in LA and my first time driving on the right side of the road in a left-hand drive car. I told Lesley she had to just keep telling me to keep right, and that seemed to do the trick. Although being in a left-hand drive car I tend to drift right in my lane too, and I don't think I should keep that right.

Our hostel is in Santa Monica and we made it there without one crash. Santa Monica is tourist land to the max. It's full of buskers, beggars and people looking like they're on holidays. It's pretty fun, but I reckon I'd get sick of it pretty quick.

I'm wearing my brown Jesus t-shirt from Mexico today that Jem bought me. I was walking into a food court and a black guy stopped me and asked me where I got my shirt. I told him a friend got it from Mexico for me and he was very upset. Then when I was on the Boardwalk a Latino Breakdancer saw me and said "I like your shirt man!" and I said "Thank you". I've been feeling pretty good about myself since then; I'm a fashionsable white guy, yeah!

Tonight we went and saw Public Enemies which was pretty cool. Good writing, good acting, lots of gangsters. Michael Mann makes good films. I like him a lot.

Oh and we went up the Empire State Building last night (That's in New York). It was tall and good and not raining.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July so we're gonna eat a hot dog, maybe watch some fireworks and definitely insult the British.

We caught the ferry to Statton Island today. It's free. It takes you past the Statue of Liberty. It doesn't make taking photos very good if you have a little camera. Still we did get to see her, and she's famous and all that.

On Statton Island we wandered into a cafe to find some Coke and got sucked in by the friendly waitress who asked us if we wanted breakfast. Seeing as we hadn't eaten breakfast since Monday, we stayed. Once we'd sat down we discovered it was some clandestine, hippy, vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, chick-pea cafe. I felt very ripped off. I don't go places like that when I'm on holidays. Unless I'm on holidays with the majority of my friends and then sometimes I have to.

Still they did do stuff for real people too, so I ate some french toast. It wasn't that good but at least it had gluten in it.

Once we escaped the den of health and ethics, we got back on the ferry for our free trip back. Then it was off to the Rockefeller Centre to see the New York from up high. We managed to be up there about 5 minutes before the rain set in. The approaching rain made for some good photos, but the rain itself just made us wet. So we sheltered in a room with light up squares on the roof and walls. It was like a giant, inverted Dance Dance Revolution. I'm sure those of Asian decent with us felt very at home.

Eventually the rain eased and we made it outside. We were very high up, New York is full of tall buildings. In the worlds of Mick Harvey "Whenever I see New York, New York USA...every time I see it I get high, oh so high." Actually it wasn't quite like that but as the song names every tall building in the city, I sang it to myself as I looked at each other buildings in his song.

When we descended from those art deco heights of steel and over priced gift shops, we ate a hot dog from someone who sells them on the street. I was eating mine as we crossed the road, over a grate with steam coming out of it. It was that moment that I truly felt like I was in New York.

I visited the NBC store which had very little West Wing merchandise in it. Travesty. Seeing as Lesley had left by that stage to go look at art, I took myself on the NBC Studio tour. We got to see the Saturday Night Live studio and the Late Show with Jimmy Kimmel studio. That was fun. But that was about the whole tour. I reckon if I wasn't a production geek, I would have felt ripped off by the tour. But I did appreciate getting in the studios. And I got to see the inside the broadcast suite for a precious 10 seconds. I would have loved to have stared for an hour or two but I got the feeling from the security guards that they weren't that keen on us dallying about.

I caught the subway home, feeling impressed with myself that I hadn't got confused, which was just about the time that I got confused. But I made it back here to the hostel.

Tonight we do the night tour, and go up the Empire State building. And then it's good bye New York.

Day two in New York and I spent most of it on an Aircraft Carrier. I love my life.

We went to the Intrepid Sea, Air, Space and America Rocks Museum which is on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. It's appropriately full of cool planes and propaganda. I had such a good time, looking at helicopters, planes, guns and boats. There was a little bit of space stuff but it wasn't much, and it was nothing compared to the Smithsonian collection. But what was cool is that on the flight deck you can get right up close to a bunch of cool planes and choppers. F-14, F-16, Blackbird, Harrier, Huey, Cobra, MIGs and more. It was major happiness. And it was all aboard an aircraft carrier that served in WWII, Korea and Vietnam. It was great.

We also got to watch a movie about how the ship had served the cause of freedom over the years. There were interviews with the sailors and airmen for the ship who talked about how during the cold war they were practicing nuclear bombing raids for the cause of peace and how during Vietnam America was fighting to stop the communists take over the world. It didn't seem to phase the guy who mentioned it that America lost that war and communism didn't take over the world, he just mentioned that the war didn't turn out as they'd hoped.

What I have found interesting is that any mention of war here emphasises how people fighting for America are fighting for freedom. "Freedom is not free" is a popular slogan here. There is little ambiguity about war. The Intrepid was just a celebration of America's ability to blow up enemies. The video we watched proudly gave us the statistics of how many planes the ship had shot down and how many boats it had sunk. It didn't mention how many lives it had taken in the process.

I do love planes because they go fast. And I do love bombs and guns because they go bang. But I can't celebrate war. I wish guns and bombs were only used as plot devices in movies. And I can't easily swallow that every war America has fought has been about freedom.

Anyway, I had a good time even with my conflicting excitement. I got to walk through a British Airways Concord. That never bombed anyone.

We had planned to spend the afternoon seeing the Statue of Liberty and going up various tall buildings. But when we made it back to Times Square to get on a bus we noticed that Alison Janney from The West Wing is in the Broadway Musical version of that Dolly Parton classic movie 9 to 5. Of course the musical had no appeal at all until we saw that CJ was in it, and then Lesley and I couldn't resist. We love The West Wing. So we bought tickets for tonight's show then caught the Hop-On-Hop off bus around Manhattan, saw the sights slowly, then ate some overpriced, Italian and watched the show. Oh and I bought some jeans because I felt underdressed going to the theatre in shorts.

The show was totally adequate. It was funny and the music wasn't bad. But really the excitement was just seeing Alison Janney in the flesh. We were in the 6th row, so we were pretty close. I think I might have spent most of the show just remembering all my favourite CJ moments. It was pretty fun.

We caught the subway home and no one mugged us. I think the day was quite a success.