This is what I started writing on Saturday evening

They do things differently here in Guatemala.

I woke up today, excited because it was Jo's civil ceremony. While in Australia we do the church wedding and the legal wedding in the the same service, here in Guatemala they break things up but doing the civil ceremony before the religious ceremony.

So today was Jo and Victor's civil ceremony and next Sunday will be the religious one.

As I was saying I woke up, excited that we were going to do something official today. I may also have woken up because I couldn't sleep any more. I'm not yet totally adjusted to the time zone.

I spent most of the morning having an internal deliberation as to whether to have facial hair or not when I go to the ceremony, I decided in the end for facial hair to avoid the inevitable facial rash that always comes with shaving these days.

And that is where I fell asleep while typing so I thought I should go to bed

Once the whole house had been juoozied up, we hopped in our taxis and cars and headed off to Jo's miniature house just outside Guatemala City.

Upon arriving at her house we found Jo and Mum who had stayed there the night before after Jo's Despedida, and Lesley and Van who had both arrived in the country the night before and that morning respectively. While all the new arrivals gave themselves a tour of the house in our glad rags (Jo has a pool in her back yard about the same size as a baptismal font, good for sudden localised, religious revivals but not much else) while the women were busy getting pretty and confining Jo into her dress. When she came downstairs looking all dressed up in a large ball gown it occurred to me that this civil ceremony might be a bigger deal than I had previously anticipated. She looked pretty good.

But the excitement was short lived as Jo received a phone call asking us all to come an hour later as things weren't ready at Victor's house. This did give us a chance to have a cup of tea and all us Australians to keep asking Jo questions as to what was actually going on and what was the point of this civil ceremony. It's all a little confusing.

Basically yesterday was the legal wedding, but next Sunday will be the ceremonial wedding.

After receiving another call telling us we could come now, we loaded ourselves into the various cars and drove ourselves across the suburb, filled with it's people, street vendors, and one way streets, and arrived at Victor's family's house.

The place was full of Guatemalans who I smiled at and kissed and bluffed my way through greetings. There was one woman who I have met before who I think knows less English than I know Spanish because every time she sees me she gives me a huge grin, a thumbs up and says "Yes! Yes!" I don't understand what she means, but seeing as no one understands me either, I figure if I give her thumbs up and a "Yes!" too she'll feel validated in her cross cultural enterprises.

Victor's parents had decked out their backyard filling it with chairs and a largish, square, open-sided, tent. Under the tent were a few chairs and a table with a nice tablecloth, a big vase of flowers and two nice chairs on one side facing one nice chair on the other. This was where the ceremony was going to take place. It reminded me of a Jewish wedding, except there were a lot of people under the covering.

When the ceremony began Victor's parents introduced everyone there. We all stood and waved and were clapped. I got to sit under the tent with my parents, just behind Jo and Victor. I felt like royalty.

Pablo the Lawyer stood up with Mario the Airline Pilot Trainer/Translator and gave us a Cirmon. This is a Sermon for a Civil Ceremony. He started off by talking about ancient Roman symbolic animals but then we were told they were irrelevant. I think perhaps something was lost in the translation, but I quite liked it. I was hoping there would be more irrelevancies in the cirmon to amuse me.

He actually spent a lot of time talking about God and marriage, and I worried he might be stealing my thunder for the ceremony in a weeks time. He talked about civil ceremonies were about giving to Caesar what is Caesars. I hadn't thought about it before but I felt it was an appropriate application of the verse. Lawyer and Preacher, this Pablo was good, I was feeling more than little intimidated.

When it came time for the reading and signing of the Marriage Act, Pablo did slip a little in the Lawyer stakes. He named Jo, Joanna Mary French Lopez, told us all she was from the Republic of Australian and mis-spelt and mis-pronounced almost her entire family tree. I think this was because Jo had given him the names via Victor, over the phone while getting her hair blow dried that morning.

Despite the issues, Jo and Victor signed their life away on the document, then my parents signed as witnesses, then Victor's parents, then all the Australians. It was fun. I've never signed wedding thing before. I didn't do a very good signature.

The various parents gave a little speech, then Jo and Victor spoke. Everyone cried. I may even have teared up a little. It was nice. And the Jo and Victor were married.

It was odd, I didn't realise Jo and Victor would actually getting married that day, but it turns out they are now legally married. Still that didn't make much of difference. They don't get to actually be married until Sunday at the Church ceremony. Right now it just seems like their still engaged with more jokes about their marriage.

As it was such an important occasion we all had to eat. I do love that all cultures celebrate with food. Food is wonderful. We had a wedding feast of lasagna and Guatemalan pudding.

A few hours later the festivities wrapped up and we all headed back home to our exotic villa in Antigua. I went out for dinner that night to a hippy cafe with loud good music, with Jem, Janet, John, Grandpa and Valentina. I think Jem and I were the only ones that enjoyed the music. It was a bit loud for everyone else. The food wasn't terrible though.

That night due to new arrivals I was moved out of the room I had been staying in, into a room with Mum, Dad and Jo. I was put in the double bed with Jo. The poor girl. My sister had to spend her wedding night sleeping in the same bed as her brother. Not really the best start to a marriage. She has told me that on her second wedding night I'm not allowed anywhere near, and that's totally fine with me.

I tried the hammock. It was a let down. It seemed better designed to enhance flexibility than relaxation. Had I stayed in it I'm sure I would have been able to touch my toes with my face with minimal effort.

I have arrived now in the Guatemala. I'm "Sister's Wedding Ready".

After I last blogged I ventured out into LAX to get myself booked into my next flight to Guatemala 1:45am. I decided to check in early to save myself the hassle of lining up with a thousand other people. But when I arrived it was a like a Latino convention. I thought Latin American people were meant to arrive late to everything, but not the check in it seems.

But despite the people, I made it. I spent the whole time in the line running my tongue around my teeth and dreaming of brushing them. So I went and had dinner, then brushed my teeth. Oh how it felt so nice.

I made it on to my flight after sleeping at the gate in the uncomfortable chair for an hour, and I pretty much slept the whole flight.

Guatemala City airport is spacious, shiny and empty. It seems like they built it anticipating a boom in travel which is yet to come, but I'm happy to give them points for optimism.

Customs and Passport Control scared me because they were in another language (Elvish, if you're wondering), but I made it through alright. They didn't seem interested in my 7kgs of icing sugar. Which has given me new inspiration to begin a career as a drug runner. No one expects you to bring drugs into Latin America.

Victor and his Mum picked me up and drove me directly to the supermarket. They wanted me to see the sights.

Then it was to Victor's place for a shower, off to the posh mall for pancakes and back to the airport to find my Father.

While we were waiting at arrivals (which is situated outside, even though they have a perfectly good, shiny, new and empty arrivals hall inside) a bride and groom pulled up in a wedding car, got out and then proceeded to get married right there outside the Airport. They had a celebrant, photographer, video guy, bodyguard, cake person and everything. They stood there said their vows, had their kiss, took their photos, ate their cake, drunk their champagne and threw their bouquet right there in front of the people picking up their friends, business men and taxi hustlers. It was amazing! It could easily have been a performance by an improv theatre group, it was rather strange. I would have taken photos but I didn't want to miss the kiss.

Dad arrived just in time to miss all the fun, and we headed off for Antigua.

Victor handed us on to a taxi driver who arrived only an hour after summoned. I used the time to doze deeply. When the taxi driver got us to Antigua he promptly got himself lost. We stopped about 7 times to ask for directions. I think perhaps Guatemalans have a habit of giving directions even when they don't know the way. Everyone asked gave an answer, and only one person actually got us too the place. It may just be an over-developed sense of self-confidence. Whatever the case, we arrived at the house we're staying at only a few hours late.

We were welcomed at the door by Jane, Jo, Janet and Jem. It was a little sad to break up their retreat for women with names starting with J, but it was nice to see them. I like them all.

It actually turned out that Grandpa and Valentina were hiding inside so the J convention had already been crashed.

The house we're staying in is a large, new but old looking, posh place with a maid. I've never had a maid before, but I shall make us of it by throwing rubbish on the ground in front of her and watching her clean it up.

I'm actually not sure how well we're all coping with the maid. Everyone keeps feeding her and trying to do her cleaning and tiding for her. I wonder if our egalitarian nature insults her professionalism.

After arriving at the house I accidentally fell asleep on my bed, and woke up in time to get dressed in my nice shirt and ugly pants for the evening's Pedida. A Pedida is a Guatemalan tradition before a wedding where the Mother and Father of the Groom and the Groom come to the house of the Mother and Father of the Bride and ask permission for the Son to marry the Daughter.

Last night we had the Pedida. It was nice. All the important people made speeches. They all got translated. There was a bit of crying. I managed to stay awake through the whole thing, but I got a lot of worried looks that I might soon fall off my chair. It felt significant, the Pedida not the narcolepsy.

Needless to say, my parents said "Yes".

The two families (plus well loved ring-ins) then had a feast provided by the women of the French clan. The feast was meant to be traditional Australian, but I think it was more Hungarian due to the fact that Hungary actually has a culinary tradition to draw on. We did have Pavlova in honour of Jo's Australian/New Zealandish roots.

I went to bed around 9pm and woke up at 9am. It was one of those sleeps that feel as nourishing as a big roast dinner. It made me very happy.

Today started with pancakes and a trip into Antigua for coffee with Dad, Grandpa and Valentina. The women are now all off for Jo's Despedida (her hen's night) and I am blogging.

I'm eyeing off the hammock on the back veranda. It looks highly relaxing and exotic. I want to read a book in it and fall asleep. That'll be the life.

You can tell I'm on holidays because I'm writing long blogposts again.



Post Qantas lounge blogging, I stocked up on food and Dad, because he's a business man, talked on the phone and refused to invest in my life like the high-powered, high-flyer suit that he is.



My Father neglects his son while on the first day of holidays together

Once our flight was called we bundled ourselves, our carry on bags, and the wedding cake onto the A380, and it managed to fit all of us and our gear plus about 3,000 other people. We lifted off into the skies metres of runway to spare.

The A380 is a lovely plane. Being downstairs is like being on a new 747 but you have to remind yourself that there is a whole second story of people more elite than you upstairs. Then it feels big. It's also new. And shiny. And you know it's important because instead of saying "Welcome aboard", the flight attendants all say "Welcome aboard the A380." I wonder if they'll still be saying that in 20 years.

Anyway the flight isn't much to comment on. My TV broke early on and I was worried I would be forced to watch the frozen launch screen of a video game for the entire 14 hours, which would have made it the worst flight ever (I only fly for the entertainment), but the Lord had mercy via a flight attendant who reset it for me. Praise Jesus. I got to watch Last Chance Harvey with Dad (it was about an inept man going to his daughter's wedding overseas, I think it made Dad cry small tears). I also watched the first two episodes of Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords. I know you're all jealous.

We did learn on the flight that the Americans have made a new rule for any plane flying to America that passengers are not allowed to congregate on the plane in groups, especially near the toilets. When you've squashed 500 people into a metal tube in the sky and then making a rule for them not to congregate is like sticking five people into a Mini and making a rule that they mustn't sit near each other. Suffice to say, we did see multiple incidents of people congregating near toilets. I can only guess how our flight didn't end up in the side of a building somewhere attacking freedom.

When we arrived in LA, due to the A380s flux capacitor, it was 3 hours before we left Sydney. I managed to leave my passport on the plane and had to get a security man to retrieve it for me. He did and didn't beat me around the head with his Homeland Security batton, which was very gracious of him.

Customs was long and a tad silly, as is to be expected, but they allowed my suspicious looking 7kgs of icing sugar through no worries. And then we were in glorious LA.

We caught a taxi into LA where I promptly hid a special treasure for my friends Pip and Caleb to go find when they get here in a few weeks time. It's an international treasure hunt and I'm excited.

Dad and I followed our pirate like booty concealing with lunch in the most American place we could find: Showbiz Ribs. There was lots of food, free soda refills, and people of hefty proportions. We couldn't have asked for more.



I didn't realise I look like that in profile. I'm going to get cosmetic surgery to the side of my head

We wandered around the city, discovered the Disney Concert Hall, which you may remember from such films as Get Smart and Sketches of Frank Gehry. It is kinda cool.



Disney Concert Hall



Dad in some garden with some architecture

We also found the famous City Hall. You may know it from films, but I can't think which ones.



Dad and the World Travelling Wedding Cake at City Hall

We went in, were given visitor's passes and given free access to LA City Hall. It was great. We wandered deserted corridors looking at pictures, through empty reception halls, and looked out at the empty look out. If you're in LA, go to LA City Hall. It's the best thing to do Downtown. I know because I did Downtown today.



Bored in LA. Probably not the best bored shot ever.



LA should be famous for it's ugly art, because that's the only art we saw today.

We finally headed back to Union Station to catch a bus to the airport. You may also know it from movies but I can't remember any of them either. It had comfy chairs.



Still neglecting his son



Union Station Sign Hack. Sweet.

Now I'm in the ReLAX lounge. It's like the Qantas lounge only less posh and you can get in if you pay money. It has the most comfy chairs. Dad just left to go and catch his plane. I'm all alone till 1:45am when my flight will take me on to the Guate.

This place is full of Australians. I wish it wasn't. I want to listen to Americans. I love Americans.



If you look closely you can see a plane out the window

I'm in the Qantas Club because my Dad's all la-de-da and got us in on his golden credential. I haven't eaten breakfast but I plan on gorging myself on the free cheese and bread rolls. I may even get totally sloshed on the vodka. Can't pass up a free opportunity to vomit on a plane!

That last bit was a joke for all my conservative Christian friends.

Last night at work there was a girl walking around in a bra. One of the cleaners told me to "Check it out! That's amazing!" And I did notice that she got a lot more helpful service from the male ushers than most patrons. I tried not to look because it's rude to look at women in their underwear, unless it's in a catalogue and then you can look for bargains.

I'm ready to leave Australia now for the North American World Tour. The bags are checked, the 7kgs of icing suger safly on the way to the cargo hold.

For those who are interested, I'll be going Sydney - Guatemala - Washington DC - Ocean City - New York - LA - Sydney.

We just saw our plane, the mighty A380. I'm so excited. It's a darn big plane with a self-service bar. Sweet!

This is all I have to say. Now I'm going to find free food and drink and relax in pomfy-pomf elegance.

I did my exams. They were about as good as unstudied for exams can go. Joys be had.

Almost everything on the to do has gone on the too done list. I'm even almost totally packed. All the suits and icing sugar and one or two pieces of clothing I want to wear are in and wash bags and clothes on the line to be squashed in.

I have to work tonight and earn my cash monies, than I'm sleeping and flying.

I love this time before you go away, when you realise you're almost ready to go and all the things that were stressing you about leaving are over. The holiday begins now. I know I have to work, but that's pretty stress free. It only really involves scanning tickets, telling people they can't smoke outside or bring plastic bottles inside and maybe seeing a bit of an international pop star. Not too shabby really.

Now I have to go wee. That's my most pressing need and it really is pressing.

I'm leaving the continent on Wednesday. Tomorrow I have two exams and work. Tonight I'll pack when I've finished doing some last minute computer work. Today, yesterday and many days before that I was sermon writing.

As usual no where in there have I found time to study. This isn't ideal.

I'd be pretty happy if I woke up in morning and I'd slept right through Tuesday. Oh well.

This is one of the videos we made for Soul Survivor this year.

Enjoy.

"They sang. It was an old song whose meaning they had long forgotten but now they knew the meaning of it and they could sing no other. It was a song of the season of bloom and feast. They had gone so long without a harvest that they forgot what harvest was. But now they knew what the [sickness] had stolen from them long before. What had been lost was found again. And those who had been hungry without knowing the name of their hunger, they were fed" - Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind

One film I am looking forward to, which I don't think will disappoint, is State of Play. Although I'm not sure I could handle two hours of Russell Crowe's hair:



We have given him back to Kiwis haven't we?

We went to see Terminator Salvation tonight. I was a bit worried going in. I love Terminator films. I even liked T3 the first time I watched it (not so much the second time round).

I was excited by the idea of this film because I love apocalyptic movies. I love trained men with guns. I love killer robots. I get a little frustrated by the films' continual ability to say "We thought we killed SkyNet, but oops we didn't." Which is partly why I loved the end of T3. If nothing else the end and the crane and fire truck chase were way cool.

But sadly Terminator Salvation isn't really that good. Sam Worthington had a cool character. At least, if they'd not written the whole bit about him being a death-row convict with a need for redemption he would have been cool. I love the idea of the man who finds out he's a robot. I'm sure it's been done in another film but I can't remember what.

There were some cool helicopters, guns and planes. The whole thing looked great. The special effects weren't too shabby at all. But the whole film kinda feels like no one was putting in any effort. There was a lot of potential quality action, but it didn't really get there.

And while all the other films had a sense of fun to them, especially T2 and T3, this one had maybe one joke. On the other hand there was plenty of dumb over simplification and humanising of machines don't need to be humanised. Why would a bunch of robots need a graphical interface to deal with when they can just communicate wirelessly in ones and zeros? What machines type in access codes to open doors? And why do we need to have a scene where the computer tells another computer the whole back story, character motivation and plot of the film? Bah!

I was always worried that they handed the job to McG to make the movie. He's made three films before this: Charlie's Angels, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and We Are Marshall. Would you think these are safe hands to put the Terminator franchise in? Even Jonathan Mostow had a better resume.

I guess every summer season has to have it's disappointments, and this is one of them.

Still I haven't given up on the world of the Terminator future wars yet. If they learn from their mistakes the next film could be cool. Christian Bale is pretty special, even if he seemed rather bored through out this film. He could be a good John Connor. I have hope for the future.

So I got a phone call yesterday from the lecturer who is marking the essay for the subject which I'm redoing because I failed. I couldn't work out why he'd be calling. I didn't think it'd be because my essay was going to fail because I had put a lot of work into the essay. I was pretty sure it wouldn't be because I neglected to hand it in. All I could think of was that it was so good he wanted to publish it. At least, that was what I was hoping for. So I rang him back this morning.

He asked me if I was aware that the late penalties at college had changed this year. They used to be 5% a week, which was insanely generous and I exploited it regularly. Now they've been upped to 10% a week. Which is still very generous, but probably better to stop people like me treating deadlines like suggestions.

But this phone call was the first I had heard of the change.

Turns out my essay wasn't as insanely brilliant as I had thought it could be. It seems it takes more than having 12 books in your bibliography to impress these academic types. I even had a book by John Calvin! Anyway the lecturer told me that if he marked me on the new system then I would fail. But seeing as I didn't know he was going to mark me on the old system, and so I'll pass.

I must say, it's times like this that I love my college. I have by no means been the best student. But they're gracious to me even when I should have known better. Ignorance isn't really a valid excuse, but they passed me anyway.

It makes me not regret the dream I had last night where I got into a shouting match with the lecturer of one of Sydney's other conservative evangelical colleges who was ripping on my college. I totally won the argument too.

If they've got my back in real life, I've got their back in my subconscious.

For those who are interested, the Friday's preach is up here or on the podcast.

As a bonus in the blog post about the talk, I discuss with myself the ethics of telling a girl who has a boyfriend you like her, and then the ethics of doing an illustration about it. Just so you know where the juicy bits are.

I worked yesterday (Saturday) ushering for a "how to make money" seminar. What was interesting for me was that it was so unlike anything I am used to. I'm used to going to Christian conferences where a bunch of people talk to you about Jesus. This was a conference about how to get rich. While at a Christian conference often talk is about how to give, serve, help the poor, be humble, and repent, all in the context of worshipping Jesus. This was all about how to get rich, make money, have power, be successful, all in the context of worshipping the self.

One of the first things I heard when I started my shift was the guy making a joke. There was a Buddhist monk on stage who had obviously just been talking about happiness. The main speaker said "I think it's important to be happy. I saw the 2009 Lamborghini the other day and I got unhappy... because I only have a 2007."

There was a lot of talk about the economic crisis. It was all about how to exploit the crisis for your finacial gain. All the Christian talk I've heard about the crisis has been about asking, what is God saying through this? Has money been our idol? How can we be helping those people hit hard? How do we live more responsibly with money? How can we respond to the poor who are hit hardest? How can we trust God to provide?

The contrast between what the church is saying, and what these people are saying is huge. I didn't sit there thinking "These people are terrible." It did however illuminate for me how a huge section of the world thinks. Greed is still alive, well and celebrated.

I am so pleased that I can clearly see the difference between what this section of the world is saying, and what the Church is saying. The Church, as much as we beat it up, is being God's mouthpiece in this current economic crisis. We too might be suffering the consequences from our rampant greed and materialism, but at least we're asking the right questions. If we come out of this with a better attitude towards money, a greater generosity towards those who have less than us, a greater appreciation for God's provision, a greater understanding of money as a gift given by God not earnt by us, and a better understanding that money is a bad god, then we will have come out well.

I hope out of this current situation we don't just get changed wallets but changed hearts.

I got to preach again on Friday. It was my first time preaching at the new church. I was at a youth church event, which, because it was youth church, meant there was less light more noise and a game or two, but otherwise church.

It was good to be preaching again. It was my first time doing a full talk with no notes. I'd written a full manuscript, but I decided after I ran through it that it was too long. So I went notes free to see if it would speed me up. It didn't. Oh well.

Otherwise being notes free was good. I feel like it was a step forward in being able to speak more naturally and connect with the group. I felt like it was a step back in my ability to get things right. I stumbled over my words more and nothing seemed as polished. But still I liked being pushed like that.

Anyway, it was recorded so I'll stick it up at some stage I reckon, just in case you're interested.

I just burnt my wedges. I've been cooking wedges for over 10 years and I still stuff them up. You think I'd be an expert by now.

Seeing as I'm regularly in the study room at the library these day and I've spent 5-6 hours there everyday this week, I'm starting to get to know the place and the people.

During the middle of the day there are usually Asian people reading books or the paper, and one or two mentally ill people looking like they're reading something. None of them stay that long.

There's one man in the corner doing his taxes. He's running a bit late.

At around 2:30pm the students start arriving. The year 12-ers wear their jerseys. The private school kids look stressed and study hard. The public school kids visit each other at their desks and don't seem to do any work all.

If the student is any younger than year ten then they're probably Asian and a girl.

When I look at the students I find that I can't picture them writing any of the comments left on the desks. They all look too well behaved to tell Sarah about the size of her bust, or inform fellow studiers that Asquith Girls have various diseases. But you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Though whoever wrote "I'm so horny" could be one the regulars.

There's a tall skinny man who wears a green button up shirt, tucked into brown pants, and brown boots with elastic on the sides who comes in every day. He is balding and has a little moe and a little bit of chin hair. He isn't married or he doesn't wearing his wedding ring. Maybe he comes to the library to pick up.

He works on a laptop and he'll ask someone to move if there are no spare desks with a power point nearby. When he has secured his desk he spends 5 minutes wiping it down. He then methodically and carefully plugs everything in and sets it up just right. Finally he sits up very straight and types.

After a few hours he eats a banana.

People often sleep at their desk.

People with laptops work around the edge of the room. The people with pen and paper sit in the middle. The locations of power points have created a micro, geographic, socio-economic divide.

I like to sit by the window so I can look out onto the reference section. It also means no one can sit next to me.

There is always one person every few hours who answers their phone then says, rather loudly, "Nahh, I'm in the library."

Today I spent the day in the library working through a commentary on Jonah. I'm speaking on a camp in July and I'm going to speak my way through Jonah with them. I'm also speaking at my church's Youth Group on Friday night, so I'm gonna do Jonah there too.

Anyway I had a really good day. Jonah is a darn good book. Full of nice ironies, great images and interesting characters. I'm having fun. And this particular commentary isn't too dry or too smart for me (except for the Hebrew words which I just skip over), so I'm having fun.

Underemployment is great!

I woke up to Eminem coming through my window this morning. I couldn't work out who would be listening to Eminem loudly on a Sunday morning. Sunday mornings seem incongruous with the majority of Eminem's fan base.

Then I realised it was the builders next door and it's Monday morning.

It all made sense.

My shifts at work got cancelled this weekend. That means there will be no Televangelist Number 2 for me. This is a sadness.

The upside is that tonight I got to hang out with my church buddies, and I like them.

This is one of the videos we made at Soul Survivor. This was on the fourth day. I think it's the best one we did. The fact that you're not at Soul Survivor and you probably don't know the worship leader, it loses a lot of it's impact. But still I'm happy with it. For four hours work, I think it's alright.

I hadn't heard anything about my prospective job with Sydney's Largest Supplier of Trains for a while, so I sent them an email yesterday. Turns out that they had emailed me and it had disappeared, probably during the time when my email address stopped working.

The outcome was I didn't get the job. Not because I didn't pass all the selection criteria, they just didn't have enough spaces in the training centre. So they've recommended I be put on an eligibility list. It seems that should they need more people, they'll create the list, and if they create the list I'll be on it. How it is that the list of people to go on the list is not just the list, I don't know. But all up, I'm not too disappointed. I probably wouldn't have been able to take the job anyway because of my upcoming overseas jaunts. This way, if they do create the list, put me on it, then offer me the job, I'll probably be finished with my North American tour, so I might be able to take the job.

In other news Centrelink gave me a book to fill out so I can apply for jobs. 10 a fortnight. I have applied for one so far. There I have a similar problem in that any job I apply for will have to be willing to wait 6 weeks for me to start. I doubt anyone will want to do that. But I'll apply because that's what Centrelink want.

I got back my two Greek assessments tonight. Turns out in my final exam I only need to get 28% to pass the course. I don't want to tempt providence but passing a subject hasn't looked this good for me in years.

I think I'm obligated as part of my job not to have any opinion on the acts I see while working. I do have personal opinions, and I want to share. But so I don't defame anyone or and get my work or myself into trouble I'm not going mention in this post who was the attraction where I ushered for the previous two days, but for the sake of easy reading we'll call this particular person Freddy.

Freddy is a televangelist with a dazzling white costume, a noisy healing ministry, a big diamond ring and a private jet. He frequently turns up on TV early in the morning and pushes people over.

I was particularly excited to work the Freddy shift because I love anything religious. I'm a religious fanatic.

My shifts started early afternoon and were due to finish at 11pm. There were the longest shifts I've ever had, and I'm thankful to God for them. I needed them to pay my rent. I did however feel a little bad that while the faithful, sick and disadvantaged were being fleeced out of their disability payments I was earning $20 an hour.

Seeing as the "crusade" was staffed mainly by Freddy's staffers and volunteers, our job as venue staff was just to stand around, tell people where the toilets were and direct people to the exits in the event of a fire (a real fire, not "HOLY SPIRIT FIRE!"). The rest of the time we just directed people to Freddy's Ambassadors (volunteers).

The first four hours of both shifts were pretty similar. We opened the doors around 3pm and the show didn't start till 7pm. So we just stood there. The staff would visit each other and mutter about how much they disliked Freddy.

I found this difficult. Seeing as I'm a Christian, and I believe in the Holy Spirit, healing, miracles and all the rest, I didn't want to just join in the cynicism and rudeness. On the other hand, I didn't want to be giving people the impression that I endorse Freddy and his antics. I'm not sure how well I did. I did have a chat with one usher who is studying physics at Uni. I told him I was at Bible College. He asked me what I thought of the act, and I said that for him it'd be the equivalent of going to a dodgy physics conference. So at least he knew where I stood.

I went into the whole experience with preconceived ideas about Freddy. I didn't want them. I wanted at least to be open to the possibility that Freddy might be legit. I prayed at the start that God would help me to be discerning rather than cynical.

It's hard to know if he answered my prayer because there wasn't much not to be cynical about.

When the "crusade" opened the very first thing they did was ask people for money, to become one of Freddy's partners for $30 a month, like Freddy's a starving African. Last night they asked people to buy Freddy medallions or something like that. They spent a lot of time plugging their books and DVD store. And both nights they gave an absurd lecture on why it is good to give. "Give and see what God wants you to receive!" But I've already written about that.

The first time we saw Freddy was about 20 minutes in when he came out from the middle of the back of the stage, through an entrance no-one else used, wearing a white suit and looking dazzling.

On Friday night he turned up right in the middle of "How Great Thou Art". Last night he came during a different hymn and one the other ushers turned to me and said "He missed his song."

The choir sang well. Freddy led the singing once he arrived on stage. The problem is that Freddy can't sing very well. I don't think that's his spiritual gift. Everyone sang for about an hour.

On the Friday night Freddy gave an evangelistic talk that was almost spot on. He said one thing which could have been read the wrong way, but other than that it was fine. When he was talking about Jesus becoming sin for us he said "Jesus became like Satan". Which I don't think is right but I know what he was getting at.

At this point in the sermon a man stood up and shouted at him "That's a lie Pastor Freddy! You're a liar!"

To which Freddy responded "Please be quiet Sir! I am a talking now. You're not listening to me. If you don't be quiet I'm going have to ask you to leave my auditorium."

At this point Freddy's two big, black security guards escorted the man out of the building.

Once Freddy was done with his sermon and he did his altar call, that's when things went dodgy. He said something like "If you're still struggling with sin, with sins you had before you became a Christian, then something has gone wrong with your salvation. You need to come and give your life to Jesus properly."

There are so many things wrong with that. That made me angry.

Seeing as there were a lot of Christians there who still struggle with sin, there were a lot of people who went forward to be properly saved and iron out that glitch in their salvation.

The following night Freddy did a talk about the blood of the Covenant that managed to be so convoluted and confusing that I had trouble following it. I have no idea how the people in the audience who don't have 8 years of Bible College, 7 years of church ministry, and the better part of a Theology degree behind them went. I'm pretty sure they all just clapped when they were told to "Give God a hand" and said "Praise the Lord" when Freddy said "Can somebody say 'Praise the Lord!'"

But apart from the fact that the whole sermon was a shamble of half-baked, theological confusion, I could easily see that much of what he was saying was heresy. Or at the very least, totally unsubstantiated mystical, biblical musings. Like when he told us that Jesus didn't get any of Mary's blood in his umbilical cord when he was in the womb otherwise he would have come under the curse of original sin.

Still, the sermons were nothing compared to what was the come.

After Freddy's preaching, he felt the Holy Spirit come on him to do an anointing and heal people. This meant everyone was launched into 20 minutes of singing a two word song like "Glory, Glory, King of Glory" or "Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit". I don't know much about manipulation and hypnotism, but I figure singing the same short phrase over and over, to stirring music, through multiple key changes, when you're tired after sitting through 3 and half hours of crazy religious fluff, is going to leave you pretty vulnerable to all sorts of suggestions and handling.

During the singing Freddy's pastors head out into the audience to pray for the sick and wrench people out of wheelchairs to make them try and walk.

Eventually Freddy gets people to put their hand on the part of their body they want healed, and then he prays for them. If they're healed then the are told to run down the front as quickly as possible. Down the front they're met by a pastor who vets them for public appearance.

While Freddy is praying for the them he's saying things like "Someone to my left just had their cancer healed. Someone to my right just had AIDS cured. Someone just had their asthma taken away." He only ever said things that couldn't be verified on the night. People only had to feel healed and that was good enough.

The people who felt healed were allowed on stage where an announcer on either side of the stage would trumpet their story at Freddy, while he pushed the people over in the Spirit. He would push someone over, then get the pastor/minders, to pick them up again, so he could push them over again. For the people who had been "healed" of back issues this did rather worry me.

Most of the people who got up had issues like cancer, back problems, injuries which all manifested in a healing where they said "I had pain and now I don't." Now they could be healed, but they could also just be running on emotion, adrenaline, manipulation and hypnotic suggestion. There was nothing verifiable about any one of them. One guy had a heart problem, he saw a bright light, and he knew he was healed.

There was one guy who had lost 85% of his hearing and he said it all came back. Which is probably a bit harder to fake on the night for the guy. But then again, the speakers are pretty loud, you don't need much hearing to hear them.

There was another man who was "healed" of the pain in his legs from suffering polio as a child. He threw off his leg brace when he got onto stage. I thought it was rather telling that as he walked off stage one of the Pastors chased him to give him his leg brace back. There's faith!

I know I sound totally cynical. To be honest, I think there is a high chance there were real healings there. But if there were they were because of people's faith in Jesus. Jesus heals despite people like Freddy and their manipulation.

Mostly I think it's just people who desperately want to be healed and are able to convince themselves they feel healed, and so they come down to tell Freddy he's healed them.

Last night, before and following the healing bonanza, Freddy went on a Holy Spirit slaying extravaganza. He slew all of the pastors on the stage multiple times. They fell all over each other, like some strange WWE wrestling match where a bunch of guys were losing to no one. The pastors fell over and jumped up at every command of Freddy. Every movement was over exaggerated. It looked like some piece of slapstick kid's theatre. And it was funny. Except that it was all a performance to deceive the faithful who just came to receive from Jesus.

At one stage Freddy got ready to slay the choir. He told them all to stand up and hold hands because "the power of the Holy Spirit was about to fall upon them". I turned to the usher standing next to me and said "Watch this, he's about to knock the whole choir over."

To which he replied "About f-ing time, they've been singing all night."

Sure enough Freddy shouted "TOUCH!" and waved a power hand at the choir and they fell over.

I think this gave Freddy the guts to try and anoint the whole crowd. He told the crowd the Holy Spirit wanted to touch them, and he got them to stand. He said the Holy Spirit would count to three. The music built to a crescendo, he counted to three and most people didn't fall over they just moaned. It was perhaps the most satisfying moment of the night.

Freddy then called all the young people down the front, so there were a couple of thousand of them packed right up to the stage. Then he told them the Holy Spirit was going fall on them. This worried me because they were so closely packed, someone was sure to get crushed. But I wasn't really in a position to stop it.

Freddy called down the Holy Spirit fire yelled "TOUCH!" at the young people and they all fell over. It looked pretty cool.

And then, just like that, the show was over. I opened the doors and let them all leave.

Sure enough, when I went down the front last night, when the auditorium was empty of "congregation", there were two girls down the front getting attended to by First Aid. One of them had busted her ankle. The other one, I'm told, got a cracked rib or sternum. She got carted off in an ambulance.

And that kinda sums up he Freddy experience. It's all show and extravaganza, but in the end it just leaves people hurt.

What I saw these last two nights was offensive and I was offended (take note community). This man comes to town preaching Jesus and promising healing and just takes people's money, manipulates them and leaves them with the same old illnesses and feeling like they don't have enough faith.

If Jesus were to pay a visit I can't help but think he'd take a whip to Freddy's ministry, do some real healings and let people keep their money.

As for me, I can't wait for next week. I've got a whole new Televangelist to look forward to. Sweet.



This is what the Sovereign LORD says: "Woe to the foolish prophets who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! Your prophets...are like jackals among ruins... Their visions are false and their divinations a lie. They say, "The LORD declares," when the LORD has not sent them; yet they expect their words to be fulfilled. Have you not seen false visions and uttered lying divinations when you say, "The LORD declares," though I have not spoken?" - Ezekiel 3:3-4,6-7

But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping. - 2 Peter 2:1-3

Seeing as I've been hanging out with a Televangelist this weekend, I've been thinking about the whole "biblical promise" that if you sow into God's kingdom you'll reap one hundred fold.

Tonight I was told if I give $1 the Bible promises that I will get $100 back within a year.

Now I know I'm not supposed to let my experience dictate my theology, but seeing as that isn't my theology, I'm going let my experience validate my anti-theology.

Let's say I gave 10% of everything I earnt in the 05-06 financial year to God. If I earnt $40,000, I gave away $4000. That would mean in the 06-07 financial year I should get back from God $400,000. Then if I gave away 10% of that ($40,000) I should get back $4,000,000.

Now those weren't the numbers of my earnings or my tithing. But I can say that I haven't got back financially anywhere near the money that I was promised tonight. I haven't even reaped 10 fold. I want my money back!

I know this probably isn't an original idea, but you would think that were the 100 fold promise true:
a) Christians would cotton on pretty fast that this was the world's best get-rich-quick scheme
b) Christians would throw the world's economy into crisis. Inflation in Christian countries would sky rocket, Christians would be stuck wheeling around wheelbarrows full of their harvest reapings and non-Christians would be converting and giving away money just to keep up. It would be great for evangelism, but pretty much terrible for everything else.


I also got told tonight that "God is going to take riches from the sinners and give them to me". That's what he did with Abraham, that's what he did with Jacob, that's what he did with Moses, that's what he did with Solomon, so obviously, that's what he's going to do with me. Who is logically next in the Biblical succession of great people if not me?

So sucked in sinners, I'm getting your wealth. Not that I need it. I got a miraculous $4,000,000 last year.

"The best way to determine what our attitude to other people should be is to determine what God's attitude to them is. The principle is even better than the golden rule. It is safe to treat other as we would like them to treat us, but it is safer still to treat them as God does. The former is a ready-made guide based on our fallen self-centredness, while the latter is a standard based on God's perfection." - John Stott commenting on Romans 14:3

"We already have so many rules: we can't drink on these days, we can't go to these places, now we can't have group sex." - Anonymous NRL player

From here.

So I went to Centrelink yesterday to sign up for New Start (unemployment benefits). That was depressing. I felt rather like I was giving up. Underemployment had got the better of me (though I haven't got any money yet). The woman at the desk put me on the phone and they booked me in to see the Employment Agency today.

I didn't really want to go. I was expecting to have to have a meeting with someone who would ask me why I don't just to youth ministry or youth work. They wouldn't understand the purpose of not working in my field of expertise. And they'd tell me my resume was crap. And I'd have to go to Job Search training.

I went to the meeting today and filled out a form. The receptionist took the form and told me that they were being shut down by the Government in 6 weeks so I don't have to worry for at least 6 weeks. Then she showed me how to use the JobSearch computer and I was done. That was the whole appointment. It was good. I think I signed up at just the right time.

I'm now almost fully booked for my impending Guatemala-US trip. The Visa Waiver site has told me I have a waived visa. It's most exciting. I leave in less than a month. Off to Guatemala to eat Pollo Campero and to see my sister marry some guy. And then off to the USA to eat everything (especially stuff that comes in a can) and live the American dream.

We'll be going to Washington, Ocean City, New York then LA. It'll be sweet. We have amazing things planned like Medieval Times (inspired by Dicker's Mum) and walking on the third best board walk in the USA. Oh yeah.

I'm totally excited. Pretty much our planning has been, if it's in a movie, we'll go. So Grand Central Station, The White House, Hollywood, Times Square. We may even go to Disneyland! How can one country have so much goodness? Plus we're catching Grayhound buses for two legs of the trip. Sweet. I hope they're old and melancholic 70s music plays from the sky when we get on the bus. That'd be the most awesome.

I can't wait.

Oh did I mention I get to go to my Sister's wedding too. I should mention that.

I just got shifts for work. 2 Televangelists in 1 week. I'm really excited.

I just had this conversation on Google talk with my soon-to-be brother-in-law in Guatemala. I think we'll be friends.

I hope he doesn't mind me posting this. I didn't ask permission.

Jo: hey vics is here and says hi
Tom: I'm guessing Vic is Victor. Do we pronounce that Bic? Hi Bvic!
Victor: I'm don Victor For you jejeje
Tom: I think you'll find it's HaHaHa.
Victor: no its spanish laughing
Tom: I'm in Australia. I can't understand Spanish laughing.
Jo: you need to learn to communicate with your future brother in law...
Tom: I have leant Spanish.
Jo: oh really???
Tom: Victor: Tenga cuidado o me ponche la cara tan dura que se cae. (In English "Be careful or I will punch your face so hard it falls off)
Oh yeah. Google strikes again!
Victor: Tom ponche its the drink tah i made a christmast time so u are so sweet???
Tom: Hold on.
Tenga cuidado o me golpeó la cara con mi puño tan duro que se cae. (In English "Be careful or I will hit your face with my fist so hard it falls off)
Victor: u are a little bit more rude than the ponche in this moment
Tom: I'm just telling you why you should respect me Don Bictor.
Victor: so im a little scared but really im a nightmare
Tom: You're a nightmare! I'm worse than a nightmare! I'm a nightmare with a jet pack and samurai sword!
Victor: o i have more color than you im brown like a hard brownie the most hard brownie that you have ever seen
and no not the poo tipe of brownie
so you need to respect me
your Brownie man
are you scared???
Tom: You win, Brownie Boy.
I can never be hard like a hard brownie.

One of my Facebook friends became a fan of "Sarcasm".

I can't tell if they really are a fan or not. It's hurting my brain.

I got my first set of patrons kicked out at work tonight and it was an entirely satisfying experience.

During the concert, there was a guy dancing in the aisle which, while I totally understand the urge to dance in the aisle, you're not allowed to do. So I asked him to dance in his seat. He moved a little so I went back to my post. By the time I was back at my spot he was back dancing in the aisle. So after a little while of waiting to see if he'd move I went back to ask him to move again. By this stage another guy had joined him.

I asked them to move. They kept dancing. I asked again, and they turned around and danced and sang loudly, in a rude manner, in my face (!). I said in the end "You need to move or it'll be security who come back." They didn't move, they kept dancing and singing in my face. So I turned around and left. I could see lots of people laughing at my ineffectualness. But I knew they'd answer for their mis-dance-deeds. I have powerful friends.

I went in search of security but they had all been seemingly raptured. When I came back to my spot the disobedient dancers had moved. When I finally found some security, the guys were back, so I went and asked the two security guards to go have a chat to them. They guys refused to stop dancing in the aisle even for the security guards, so they were manhandled, out of the building, and they danced the whole way.

I was impressed by their non-violent dance protest to our disapproval their disobedient dance practices. But I was more impressed seeing them get kicked out. I did love feeling vindicated. It felt good.

I noticed today that my shower gel is made by Sara Lee.

They should make shower gel that smells like banana cake. I'd totally use it and then sniff myself all day. I reckon that'd give a sense of completeness to my life.

I went to a reunion last night for the camp I went on last September. They got me to speak.

I came prepared with a camp specific talk, catered right to the group who we went on camp with. I had decided that since I have the time, I'd write a talk specific for the occasion. I had never been to a reunion before with a talk, but I was happy to oblige. I had also never been to a reunion on a Sunday night before, but I could cope with that too.

When I arrived at the church where the reunion was on Liam (whom I love), informed me that this reunion was a reunion within a regular church service. The church we were at was willing to let a bunch of people they didn't know take over their church service and reminisce about "the good times". How odd, but kind and hospitable too.

The problem that this posed for me was that the service had a congregation of people whose ages ranged from mid-twenties to mid-fifties. I had a talk pitched at teenagers. I didn't think the middle aged people would be so moved by my application about getting drunk at parties and hooking up with randoms.

So I did what I could quickly and tried to think up some new application for the older folk and did my best. I also took out the illustration about the man the smelt like poo.

I did my best but I'm not sure the application for the people over the age of 17 was the strongest point of the talk. Still I enjoyed the reunion, and it felt good to be preaching again.

This is cool. Some Somali pirates tried to take over a French frigate.

They didn't win.

I have 1000 words to punch out on two Greek words today. I think a little snooze of preparation might be in order.

I read in the Good Weekend last week that Australia has over 8000 islands in its possession. It occurred to me that, as an Australian, I gotta get me some deserted island action. And then I'd get Brooke Shields (80's Brooke not post-millennial Brooke) and a monkey and we'd move to the island and live there. We'd get married, and have freaky babies, and then commit suicide by eating berries when we weren't beautiful anymore.

That'd be the life.

You'll all be pleased to know that there were no fingers involved in today's medical. I did get to watch a nurse play with my wee. That's a unique experience, which I'm sure some people would find exciting. I felt worried for her myself. She made me stand in the room and watch as she poured my urine into three little vials.

That was the drug test David commented on. I'm pretty sure I won't test positive for cocaine.

Another doctor made me strip to my boxers and try and touch my toes. I couldn't. So that was humiliating on both counts.

They made me wash my hands with purple soap that smelt like wee. That was disconcerting. I took a wee smell with me where ever I went till I ate some Doritos. Now I smell like vomit because that's what Doritos smell like but they taste better.

I just found a job working for Disney where you need minimal experience, and love of kids, pop culture, movies and music. I'm totally applying. I want to be a part of the magical kingdom!

I have to go for a medical tomorrow for the prospective job with Sydney's biggest supplier of trains. I'm really hoping they don't want to stick their fingers in the back door. I'm pretty sure I don't I want the job that much.

So I'm back from Soul now. I drove home last night at 11. I got home at 2am. It was great. I had such a good time. I drove, listened to sermons, and prayed. Nice.

I had a very good time at Soul. I did a seminar called "The Bible Makes Me Giggle". It was much fun. I got to spend an hour looking at many of the best incidences of genitalia, farting, fatness, talking animals, preaching zombies and fighting bears in the Bible. I can't think of a more fun topic to cover. When I get a copy I'll stick it online. I'll also link to the videos we made if they get YouTubed.

I have come back from Soul Survivor with things to think about. It was a good year for challenge. These are the things that are running through my head.

First up I'm thinking about the role of signs and wonders in the life of the church and especially in evangelism. Mike did a talk about how Jesus and the Apostles used signs and miracles for the purpose of bringing people to faith in Jesus. He was saying that God is still wanting to do it today, the problem is on our end.

For me, I totally agree but I'm rather sceptical that I'll see it. I believe in God's power to do miracles today. I believe he heals and I believe he does other miraculous signs, and I believe he does it to glorify himself and it's often in the context of evangelism.

But I never see it. Every now and again I hear stories. (My Dad's back got healed the other the week, that was pretty awesome.) But I don't feel like it'll happen when I'm involved. I try and pray in faith that things will happen, but I don't often see a miraculous answer. I tend to feel like if God's gonna heal, chances are it'll be through the normal ways. As usual I feel like that guy who says to Jesus "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief."

Mike told a story about a guy who had a vision, and the point of the vision was that God wanting to pour out his power on everyone, but only some people were willing to accept it. It make sense but I don't see it.

Mike also talking about the same guy who was challenged by God to preach healing from the Bible saying "Are you going to believe what you see or what I say in my Word?" I believe the Word, but it gets hard when you don't see it in practice.

It's also hard when you have a theology that says it's not about what you do, but what God does. It's not about how hard you pray, or using the right formulas and twisting God's arm to do things, God heals and does miracles because he wants to when he wants to. And if that's the case then you automatically ask why God isn't doing them with the frequency we would like.

The balancing argument to that is that Jesus generally heals as a result of people's faith. So we're left with this problem of how do we manage to find the right way to have faith to see it happen. And then there are all the books and seminars on how to pray for healing and see God work. If it's up to God to work, surely we don't need a seminar on the techniques on how to get God to work. Surely God sees our heart and not our technique.

I guess all this leaves me with a good sized desire to see God work, but I'm jaded because I don't see it happen. At least not in the miraculous ways. I see God work. I see people become Christians, I see him provide, I see him guide me and my friends, I see that he changes people, I see that he is always faithful. I just don't see him healing and doing miraculous things when I'm around, and I want to. I want to because I want other people to see God, and see the God I see. I feel like I could go the rest of my life and never see a "sign" or "wonder" and not lose any faith in God. But if God wants to work in the Church in bringing people to himself through his supernatural displays of power then I want to see that, and I want to be part of that, I just don't quite know how to get involved.

I'll read a book.

Second I've been thinking about how to love the people around me, particularly those who are not Christians. I really want to, I just feel like I'm crap at it. I left ministry this year to be freer to work engage with people who are not of my faith, but it's not really happening much. I'm challenged but I'm not sure how to execute. I don't know how to meet the needs of those around me, and I don't know how to love my neighbours.

I need to keep praying that God will give and show me opportunities. I'm pretty sure that's a prayer he wants to answer.

Thirdly I've been thinking about chasing my dreams. There was a talk done by one of my friends about how God is the author of our dreams and so we shouldn't give up on them or think they're un-Godly. We should be free to dream, to never give up on our dreams, and free to chase our dreams.

In some ways it worries me. It reminds me of that worship song that asks "Would you believe me if I said that all of the dreams in your heart can come true today?" Which I would reply to wholeheartedly with a "No". (Though the talk wasn't actually saying that.)

I don't believe that God is going to make all my dreams come true. My t-shirt that says "Not all dreams can come true" sums up how I feel (which incidentally I was wearing on the day of the talk). I don't believe I will ever be a rock star, astronaut or kung-fu master. I don't even think there is much of a chance that I'll be a famous film director.

On the other hand, I do believe that God is the author of our dreams. And I believe in dreams and I believe in people pursuing them to the extent that they fit in with what God is wanting to do. I want people to be free to dream and to dream big. When people start restricting their dreams, when they stop believing that they can achieve anything they want they start settling for second best, and start compromising. They compromise their dreams for their comfort. And I believe in dreams a lot more than comfort. When people stop dreaming they tend to stop taking risks and a life without risk seems to be a life running counter to a life of faith.

I think the biggest challenge of the talk came because my life is a life that has been shaped by God's call on me to give up my dreams. From when I was 4 or 5 I have always loved film and television production. Till I was 18 there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to work in film and television. And then one night God turned up and said to me, in the clearest conversation I've ever had with God, "I want you to go into youth ministry." God clearly asked me to give up my dreams. And I did. I did because there is no use fighting God.

Now my life is not about getting into the film industry, it's about how I can be a better full time worker for Jesus. My whole life is the way it is, not because I followed my dreams, but because God asked me to give my dream up.

The challenge of the talk was to make me consider if I am now a person who has denied my God given dreams to pursue something that is more seemingly pious. I now have an attitude that any great desire I have needs to be handed over to God. I'm suspicious of anything I want to do, because it could easily be something God doesn't want to do. I make myself dream with my hands open.

I don't really live free of dreams. God asked me to give up one dream to give me a better one. God is the author of my dreams and I'm sure God gave me the dream to work in film and television. And that's a dream that has paid dividends in my life. I just spent a week making videos. But more than just giving me my own dreams, God is also the author of new, bigger and better dreams.

If God calls you to be a rock star or an astronaut then that's pretty awesome. But if God calls you to be a youth minister, a preacher, a missionary, a full time mum, a school teacher, or a hairdresser, you haven't lucked out, God has just authored a better dream for you.

But if God calls you to be a rock star, astronaut, full time mum or missionary, but you're too afraid to take the risk and just settle for something that makes you more comfortable, that's when you've lucked out. God is the author of dreams, safety and comfort kill them.

I think that's what the talk was getting at. God doesn't want us to settle for the small things. God wants us to dream, to dream big, to dream out loud and to dream with Him. It wasn't anti-sacrifice it was just pro-chasing the dream. The dream to change to world and the dream to be everything you can be in Christ.

Jesus' call on our life is that we must give it up in order save it. The Christian life is one of greater denial of self so that we can have a greater participation in the life of Christ. Often that will mean giving up on your dreams so that you can take hold of God's dreams. We are not called to lose the ability to dream, but we are called to be willing to give up our own so that God may give us new ones. And that sounds good to me.

I don't want to be comfortable. I want to chase God's dreams, always.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4


And that's what I'm thinking about.

I haven't blogged because I'm at Soul. I'm not dead. It's good. We've been making movies and doing silly shows. I've been given a nice HDV camera to play with. But I'm not very good at using it.

I've been happy having a week where I've been working the whole week, doing seminars, making videos, planning and doing shows. I start at 9 and go home to Jimmy's couch at somewhere between 11 and midnight. It's good to have purpose. I'm having fun. Though, I will get to go home tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that too.

And there is my update.

Today I had Coke for the first time since last Saturday. It was a very special moment. And I had sushi, and gnochi. Not that this is really worth broadcasting over the internet, but it is relativity important to me.

On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't have told you. I should be saving internet space for dogs on bicycles, fat people injuring themselves and porn. I apologise.

I love killing mozzies. It make me feel like a man.

After Good Friday (which was good) everything else was pretty bad.

I had a bad sleep on Friday night, woke up Saturday feeling lethargic, got worse. I slept all day Sunday, except when I was on the toilet. I had a headache. Since then, it's been more of the same with a slow recovery.

I ate nothing for Sunday and Monday. But now that it's Wednesday I've had some toast, mashed potato and rice, so I can't complain.

I had things planned every day this week. Today will be the first thing I'll actually make it to.

And I was meant to be going flat out on Soul Survivor prep, I was excited that this year I'd have plenty of time to work on everything I needed to do. But that's gone out the window too. Bah.

I usually love Easter. Oh well.

At this, they picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds. - John 8:59

I always knew there was a reason why I liked that guy.

This is embarrassing.

I went to church this morning at my new church. We had communion and they ran out of wine (juice actually, cause they're Baptists) just when I got to the server. It was most disconcerting for me.

After church I got invited to a Barbie with my friends. I ummed and ahhed, and eventually after being chased up, I decided to go.

It was out in Berowra. I went for the Barbie, which turned into a Monty Python watching, which turned into roast dinner, which turned into post dinner Wii games.

I was only expecting to be out for the afternoon, but I only just got home. I'd left my jacket at home so I got a little chilly by the end.

I had fun. I'm feeling more comfortable with the group now. I get the jokes more, I'm better at speaking up. I did like spending a whole day with this crew, they're a good bunch, I enjoy them a lot.

I had a good Friday.

You know how on the Gmail site it tells you how much space you get with Gmail and the number is always ticking over, higher and higher, as you watch? Is there some little man* in Google land whose job it is to just install hard drives on the Gmail server? Constantly, day in day out, night and day, installing hard drives. That would be a tough job. Poor guy.


*Notice how I said little man, just assuming he's little and male? Some would call me condescending and sexist. I would say, I'm a realist. If you think about it, the job has probably been given to a munchkin. Who else works day and night? And who else is small enough to fit in those confined spaces like servers with the speed needed to install hard drives fast enough to stay ahead of the ever increasing demand for Gmail storage space? And when have you ever seen a female munchkin do any work at all? You haven't because they're at home, in their tree, having munchkin babies. And we should thank them for it because they continue the legacy of munchkin work all over the world, having babies so that for generations to come we will have lots of email storage and people to live in those boxes by the side of the road and change the traffic lights.

I ran the bible study at Bible Study last night. It was only my third week at the group and I probably won't be there again for a while. It's on Monday nights and I usually have college. So I was impressed that they let me lead on my third week. I remarked on this when I started and made some crack about how I was going to teach from the Koran about our great prophet Muhammad. It did go down with the hilarity that I had planned. Mainly people just looked puzzled, so I moved on quickly.

I enjoyed running the study. We did doubt. I took three weeks of studies that we'd done in youth group last year and condensed them into one. I could do that because we had more time, and I was pretty sure we'd have less inane discussions about anything but the topic (yes old small groupians, I'm talking about you). On the other hand taking three weeks to look at three passages would have meant we could gone deeper with each one.

All up though, I was happy. I enjoy doing stuff like that.

I spent much of today sitting in the backyard reading. I also had butter chicken for lunch. And I watched the special features on The Bourne Ultimatum as a special treat because it's Sunday which means it's the Sabbath which means it's a day for special features. I'm pretty sure that's what God intended.

I also went to church. I'm really liking going to church. I just sit there. I'm totally a church consumer. I do nothing. It's the Sabbath, why work? Church workers are Sabbath breakers. They should be stoned to death.

I've been watching a lot of movies on DVD lately, with a bias towards older ones. I've been having a wonderful time. Let tell you why I've had so much fun.

1. The Matrix

I loved watching this movie again. I hadn't seen it in years. And then I watched it the other week and it brought back all the memories of the first time I saw it. People talk about films like Star Wars and about how when it first came out it was ground breaking. The Matrix is that movie for me. It changed action movies. Bullet time was a revelation. And having white people, shoot guns and do kung-fu like a Hong Kong movie... so special.

I remember paying attention to the whole production process while they were shooting it here in Sydney, and then to see the finished product, which turned out to be amazing; I was thrilled.

2. Conan the Barbarian

I had never seen the movie so I felt I should, it was Arnie's big break, and I'm feeling a great affinity for action movies at the moment.

I was totally not disappointed. Though I think it would have been difficult to disappoint me. There was plenty of a mindless violence and dumb villains.

By far my favourite bit was where Arnie punched a camel in the face. Cinema doesn't get better than that.

3. The Borne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy

What can I say? Jason Bourne is awesome. Another film that changed the action genre, Bourne took the whole good with guns and hand-to-hand combat thing that The Matrix started and took to a whole new, realistic, shaky-cam, quick cut level. You watch Bourne and you think "Yeah, that really could happen." Or at least I do, but maybe I'm gullible.

4. The Green Berets

This was the first film ever made about the Vietnam war. It was shot in 1968, had John Wayne and was pretty much just one big piece of propaganda. The whole thing was shot in the USA, it's like they thought "If we just scatter a few Asians with conical hats around no one will know we're actually in Georgia." Damn Francis Ford Coppella had to come through and ruin it all for everyone. (On a side note, did you know that Full Metal Jacket was shot entirely in England? It's true. They had much more realistic conical hats so we were all fooled.)

Also adding to the un-authentic flavour was that the Viet Cong's guerrilla tactics pretty much resembled trench warfare without the trenches. They'd just walk out of the jungle shoulder to shoulder in a line. With tactics like that it's no wonder the US lost the war.

Anyway, aside from being terribly unauthentic, I had a wonderful time watching it. Propaganda is always fun. I think my favourite moment was when a US soldier, being kind to an orphaned Vietnamese boy, let him hop in his bed and spend the night with him. In the 60's you could do anything.

5. Notes on a Scandal

The first non-action film in the list, this was great. I'd been putting off watching it for a while because everyone told me it was horrible. And it was. It was a train wreck of story. Judi and Cate are just amazing. I'm glad I watched this. I'm also glad I put off watching it for a while. I think I needed to be in the right head space.

6. Nixon

Long, but good. What is it with Oliver Stone and American Presidents?


I love DVD.

I've been in a little bit of a bad mood all day. It's probably because I haven't had enough sleep.

I need a holiday.

I worked tonight at the Hillsong Women's Colour Conference. I got put on cloakroom. That meant I sat behind a table in the foyer and minded 15 prams. It was totally awesome.

I think I was the only staff member who wasn't in the auditorium, and I was probably the only staff member who would have been interested in what was going on in the auditorium. Oh well. Perhaps it was better that all other staff learnt to be a warrior princess.

I decided to use the opportunity I had anyway. I sat at my table and tried to look as unsaved as possible. I was hoping one of those friendly Hillsong Volunteers would try and convert me or something. I'm always hoping to be on the receiving end of evangelism.

It didn't work. I generally just got smiles. One guy offered me a tic-tac. I think people tried hard to be nice to the staff because we were the only people around not connected to the church, and so probably the only heathens in the building. I even got given an apple and two free sandwiches which I took because, while I don't like sandwiches, I'm practising being poor.

So while no one tried to save me, everyone was very nice. If you wanted to be a hater you couldn't do it because they were mean.

I did get a visit from my friend Kaye at one point. We haven't seen each other in ages, so we got to shoot the breeze, compare church notes, lament our years of wandering through the Bible College wilderness. It helped pass the time with the prams while listening to the elevator versions of "How Great is Our God" that were being piped through the foyer. Who knew worship music could sound so good?

It wasn't a bad shift in the end, but I'm sorry to report Mum, I didn't find a wife.

In 2005 the Idaho State Legislature passed a resolution praising Jarod and Jershua Hess for making Napoleon Dynamite and it's depiction of the state of Idaho. Some of the reasons they were praised were because "tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export", "Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics" and "Pedro's efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships".

At the end of the resolution it says "any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!" "

Yep. It's freakin' sweet. You can read the whole resolution here.

On a side note, did you know that the Governor of Idaho is called Butch Otter? That's pretty cool.

So I've been watching a debate that was on ABC (American ABC) about whether Satan is real. It has your friend and mine, Mark Driscoll, plus Annie, a hooker for Jesus, a Bishop who believes whatever the person he's with wants him to believe and the one and only Deepak Chopra.



You can watch the whole thing here or on YouTube

What's initially interesting for me is that the debate even happened. Can you imagine a debate getting an hour of airtime on an Australian network on prime time* about the existence of Satan? It's not exactly the question that every Australian is asking.

The debate seems to be biased towards Satan's existence giving the liberals a need to convince everyone why Satan doesn't exist. Plus they don't even have any atheists in the debate. Three of the four people in the debate have some sort of Christian world view.

When they take questions from the audience there are a large amount of Christians wanting to prove Deepak and the Bishop wrong. When the Christians in the audience get a hold of the microphone to ask questions, at times it gets predictably embarrassing. That large amount of Christians asking questions however have something to do with the fact that the debate was hosted by ABC in the Mars Hill Church Auditorium. I reckon the Mars Hillians may have been the majority of the audience. Still the fact that that was allowed to happen, rather than the producers putting in an effort to give the debate a neutral location is telling in itself.

For a look at US religious culture, it's interesting.

Aside from that, it's been interesting for me to see how little my world view links up with the Bishop and Deepak. Maybe I'm unable to get my head around enlightened ideas, but I really couldn't see the sense in many of the ideas about God that they were talking about. God became both an unknowable and ineffable force out there, as well as just a creation of our own higher consciousness and a way of understanding our universe. Chopra said at one point "God is our highest instinct to understand ourselves." Which doesn't really make much sense. How can God be God if God is an instinct?

This isn't to say that all non-Christian world views don't make sense to me. Atheism makes sense. Agnosticism makes sense. Islam makes sense. Judaism make sense. Mormonism, while being totally whacked, makes sense. But this new thought enlightenment mysticism stuff I'm yet to get my head around, I don't even know what you really call it. Maybe I should go read a book about it.

Aside from all that they did say some stuff about Satan not being real and that all the evil in the world is caused only by humanity's own propensity for evil. That I can understand. Satan or no Satan, we humans probably do alright at destroying ourselves without his help.

Generally their biggest issues were not with their views of Satan but God. While I tend to agree with Mark and Annie, I wish Deepak and the Bishop had done a better job at challenging me. I believe in God and I believe in Satan (though I have very different feelings about the two) but I love it when someone gives those beliefs a run for their money.

*Actually the thing wasn't really shown in prime time, it was on at 11:30pm. But at least it wasn't 5:30am in Australia's Benny Hinn slot.

Is it just me or does there seem to be a large amount of celebrities who are pastors' kids? Aside from having parents who are already celebrities or in the business, I reckon being a Pastor's Kid is the best way to get famous.

Consider these people are all PKs:

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson
Jonas Brothers
Katy Perry
Jon and Tim Foreman
Marvin Gaye
Tori Amos
Alice Cooper


Really getting famous is easy, just get yourself born to a pastor, no worries.

I just read that Winnie from The Wonder Years got married. I have to say, I'm pretty crushed. For many primary school years she was the love of my life (except for when she went to high school and wore fishnets, that was terrible, she changed). Now, she'll never be mine.

I guess dreams are made to be broken.

I was at Mum and Dad's today and I noticed there was mail for me. So I opened it up and it was a very special ransom note written (generated here) just for me. It said (I've added punctuation and stuff):

Hi Tom,

I saw you at Kings of Leon the other night. It's good to see you have a real job. Now you must have known that church stuff would not last forever.

Love to see you again, it's been ages.

Love,

Abby

And then they left their email address.

As I do love a good mystery I sent them an email back. I can't think who it could be who would send me such a note, though I can think of plenty of people who might. I don't think I have any friends called Abby, but if I do I will feel bad that I forgot them and their habit of sending ransom notes.

Whoever it is, I'm not sure they did see me at Kings of Leon. They may have. They may have just read my blog.

I'm not sure why they sent the letter to my parents' house and not mine. I'm thinking it's either because they don't have my new address or they looked up "French" in the White Pages.

Either way I'm intrigued and awaiting my reply. If you are reading this Abby "Hello, check your email." There is always the chance they gave me an address which wasn't theirs and now some random Abby will read my email and think "Huh?"

If they want to meet up with me I promise to meet them near a security camera just in case they kidnap me. That way you can put the footage of me getting grabbed and shoved into a van on TV and I'll be famous. They probably are kidnappers, they have the same handwriting.

Do any of you readers out there have a Nike+ iPod kit? If you do, tell me because we can have virtual races and stuff. It'd be super awesome.

Often I have dreams where I perform some great feat of faith. Last night I think I performed my greatest miracle ever, I raised myself from the dead.

I was in a room with a few people and there was a dead body there and I knew I needed to pray for it. So with great faith I got down on my knees next to it and prayed, the body came back to life, and to my surprise the body was me. I'm not sure how I died, and I'm not sure how there managed to be two of me, but I did and there was.

When I came back to life I was nude and started dancing around the room. I was acting like a complete idiot, it was very embarrassing, I had to convince myself to put clothes on because everyone could see our bits.

Still despite my embarrassment at my antics I realised this was a great miracle so we needed to praise God. I thought I'd lead us all in a rousing chorus of worship music but we ended up all singing Bruce Springsteen together. It was very moving.

I went to Jess's party on Saturday night with Mil, Jemma and John. And that is the list of everyone there I knew. On the other hand, for one reason or another it felt like almost everyone there knew me.

A lot of people knew because of Donny Jaffa. Some would look at me funny. Some would laugh when they found out my connection with Donny. Some would say "Ohhhh" and then the conversation would die. One person came up to me and said "So you're Tom. I just wanted to meet you." They shook my hand and walked off.

There was another guy who found out I was Donny in a conversation I wasn't a part of. I started talking to him later. At the very beginning of the conversation he found out I went to college. John told him I'd been there for eight years. He said "You're a loser." I'd been talking to him for 10 seconds and he's already insulting me. I guess it comes with the territory being closely associated with Donny.

It's been a while since I've felt famous. One day I'd like to be famous for something good, rather than playing one of the most annoying characters you'll find in the Christian conference world.

Aside from all that, I did have a good night. I met lots of new people. I met a guy who works for an evangelism organisation and I was able to brainstorm a strategy for evangelism in strip clubs using anointed poles and Bibles printed normally on one page and in mirror image on the other, so you can read it looking at Bible on the table or looking at it via the mirrors on the roof. Genius! He didn't seem as keen as me but I'm pretty sure strip club evangelism is going to be all the rage soon.

For those of you who are interested, I finally got around to sticking up my final youth ministry sermon. You can get it here.

It's not the last sermon I'll do. I'll be preaching a few times this year and I'll try and get them up. So never fear, you will not have to go without my insightful teaching and witty anecdotes for too long.

So my Grandpa sent me an email with a petition against a website called Jew Watch. So I went and had a look at the website to see what the fuss was about. Apart from being as badly designed, insane and hate-mongering as you would expect from such a website, I did also find this snazzy little graph:



They say that "Jew Watch Ranks Up to 10 Times Higher Than The U.S. Holocaust Museum" and if you have trouble counting that's exactly what the graph says.

Turn a graph upside down and you can make it say anything you want.

Dumb.

So I worked Kings of Leon tonight. They were good. Better than their album I reckon. They rocked out rather well.

I spent a lot of time walking up stairs showing people to their seats. There was one group of girls who were in the last row. Or at least were meant to be in the last row. Every time I went to seat someone they were sitting in their seats so I'd tell them to go to their correct seats. This probably happened four times. Had I been mean I could have called security on them, but they weren't really causing any trouble.

Eventually when the concert had started proper they came through my door and said "Can you show us to our real seats now? We keep getting kicked out of seats and we just tried to get on the floor but they wouldn't let us on." So I showed them to their real seats and they stayed there.

When the concert finished and everyone was on the way out one of the girls grabbed me and planted a big kiss on my cheek and and said "Thank you" before she ran off. What can I say? I make the customers happy.

So I've been thinking, I love tradition and I don't like changing things that I've had for a long time, even if they're crappy. Like my shoes. They're full of holes and I literally love them to bits.

My blog is called, for some inane reason, Mine is Around About Here which really isn't a very good title. I liked it in 2001, but it's so not 2009. For a while people thought it was called Tom Time, It's Tom Time, Hold on Everybody it's Tom Time or some other variation on Tom Time. But that has only ever been in the tag lines.

Now however that I'm hip enough to have a new template and widgets, I may even be hip enough for a name change. And, heaven forbid (is that blasphemy?) a URL change. I could have a blog that reflected...something, as opposed to the nothing that it gives off with it's current title and URL (runnoft.blogspot.com). Most people probably don't even know the reference in the URL.

So here's what I'm thinking, while I'm changing the decor, I'll consider changing everything, and I want your help. I want your suggestions. Give me a name that suits my blog and I'll use it. I'll change, I'll rebrand, and I'll make sure you even get a blogpost worth of credit.

So leave a comment, give me your ideas and maybe things will change. But I'm not making any commitments, because I like things just because I've had them for a while.

Just to give you some inspiration here are some witty and original suggestions I thought up:

Tom Blogs
Tom's Blog
French Writing
Tales of Tom
Random Thoughts from a Random Guy
My Musings

This'll be fun.

I'm currently reading a non-fiction book by Tom Clancy about US Army Special Forces.

It very pro-USA and very cool.