Toiletiquette

So I've been ruminating about my relationship with public toilets recently. Whenever I walk into a Public Toilet, if I don't see any men in there, I immediately worry that I've walked into the Women's. So I check for the urinal. If there is a urinal, I decide that I'm probably in the Men's. Though I am still a little cautious, because how am I to know if there are urinals in the women's toilets?

That said, I think I must feel pretty sure women don't have urinals because whenever I use one, I get a feeling of pride in being a man. I enjoy using urinals because it's something that only men (and drunk women) do. I stand there peeing, with my brothers-in-manhood just feeling pleased that chicks can't do what we're doing. It truly is secret men's business by virtue of the fact that women aren't built for urinals*. Women get to have babies, we get to pee against the wall.

I used to only use toilets, but now, as I become older, less inhibited and more proud to be a man, I'm using the urinals much more often.

However, as much as I love urinals, my issue with urinals is that when you go to a porcelain urinal, some are heighted and designed in a way that, if you aim incorrectly, you get splash back. And because there are so many different designs and heights for urinals for each one you have find the sweet spot for minimum splashage and it's always in a different place. Plus you have to find the sweet spot quickly or you may get an unacceptable amount of wee on your shoes, or the floor, or your leg warmers.

I think that's all my thoughts about public toilets at the moment. I know that's nothing actually to do with toilet etiquette but I wanted to used the title anyway. So stuff you, haters.



*Some people may want to argue from the implication of the sentence that urinals were built for men, not men for urinals, to which I would say "You're wrong". But still whatever the case, my point still stands, no matter who/what was built for who/what, women were not built for urinals.