Talking to the Brother-in-Law

I just had this conversation on Google talk with my soon-to-be brother-in-law in Guatemala. I think we'll be friends.

I hope he doesn't mind me posting this. I didn't ask permission.

Jo: hey vics is here and says hi
Tom: I'm guessing Vic is Victor. Do we pronounce that Bic? Hi Bvic!
Victor: I'm don Victor For you jejeje
Tom: I think you'll find it's HaHaHa.
Victor: no its spanish laughing
Tom: I'm in Australia. I can't understand Spanish laughing.
Jo: you need to learn to communicate with your future brother in law...
Tom: I have leant Spanish.
Jo: oh really???
Tom: Victor: Tenga cuidado o me ponche la cara tan dura que se cae. (In English "Be careful or I will punch your face so hard it falls off)
Oh yeah. Google strikes again!
Victor: Tom ponche its the drink tah i made a christmast time so u are so sweet???
Tom: Hold on.
Tenga cuidado o me golpeó la cara con mi puño tan duro que se cae. (In English "Be careful or I will hit your face with my fist so hard it falls off)
Victor: u are a little bit more rude than the ponche in this moment
Tom: I'm just telling you why you should respect me Don Bictor.
Victor: so im a little scared but really im a nightmare
Tom: You're a nightmare! I'm worse than a nightmare! I'm a nightmare with a jet pack and samurai sword!
Victor: o i have more color than you im brown like a hard brownie the most hard brownie that you have ever seen
and no not the poo tipe of brownie
so you need to respect me
your Brownie man
are you scared???
Tom: You win, Brownie Boy.
I can never be hard like a hard brownie.