Thursday, 29 July 2004

I was talking to Jem the other day about getting nervous. It's funny. I get nervous all the time. Especially when I turn up places and the beginnings of events. Like I was saying, I still get nervous turning up to church. And school I always got nervous going to school. And all sorts of places.

And sometimes preaching makes me really nervous. Not the actually getting up and speaking in front of people, but the pressure. The pressure to do well, to be funny, to teach the Word, to not say something wrong. I have a friend who said he vomits before most of his sermons. I have never done that, but I get close. And I'll often spend all day feeling queasy and have to take deep breaths.

Sometimes I get nervous in the middle of conversations with people, all sorts of people, and I can't think straight anymore, my stomach starts doing backflips and I have to concentrate on calming down. Usually it's just something they say that triggers me, but I can't quite figure it out.

Some places I am totally relaxed, and I look forward to being in those places, because I don't have to worry. Sometimes I get so nervous about getting nervous that I get nervous, if that makes sense.

It's not all the time, just sometimes. I doesn't really bother me most of the time, but it's an interesting quirk of me.

Now everyone who reads my blog will talk to me, and think "I wonder if I'm making him nervous." Don't worry, I'll be 'right.

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