Listening to Zooropa at the moment. I've had bits of it in my head ever since playing Helen TOOBSC stuff this morning.

Today was an interesting day.

I went to the high school and sat around for a lunch time talking about mobile phones.

I fiddled with Matt's computer to make it send automatic replies when people send him e-mails. It's half working.

We had youth group. That was good tonight. We had a small amount of kids. We joined with the older youth group and watched Unboxed which was good stuff. It was good to do something different with the crew. And the piece (if that's what you call it, I think I've heard Helen call things "pieces" so I guess I can) was good too. And Kaye did a talk. That was good. And the kids were really well behaved. That also was good.

Then we had small groups which consisted of a lot of jokes about not conforming (which is what Unboxed is about), some tangents (I now know that there are four pot houses at one of my guy's school and he knows where they all are), and some discussion about what it means not to conform. Yeah. It was a bit scatty, but it always is on a Friday night.

After youth group I had a very silly official debrief, and an even sillier stand around.

After, after, Helen and I had a chat and went out to Macca's and talked more. Mainly ministry stuff. We discussed the fear of unfruitful ministries and our dreams for the future. It was interesting. I thought a lot on the way home about my fear of having a ministry that sucks. I noticed tonight that the youth group is half as big as when I started. It's always a struggle to make sure you're focused on being obiedient, rather than looking for easy solutions, or dodgy fixes. I know how to run a youth group that gets kids. At least I think I do. I know much less how to run a youth group that works. Many times I feel like a fraud. Which reminds me that Lesley once told me, or perhaps it was Karyn, one of my past youth leaders, that you feel like a fraud for the first 5 years in the work place and you spend your whole time waiting for someone to turn up and tell you to "Get out, go home, the game's up".

Anyway, I don't know. It's hard having to trust God. I don't know if I'm destined for big things. I don't know what God has planned for me. I don't know where God is going to take me and what ministry He wants me to do. It may be that he wants me running a "fruitless" ministry in the middle of Nowheresville (it wouldn't be fruitless because I would be where God wants me, but from the outside, it'd have the look). And that scares me to bits. But it could be. And if that's what He wants, then that's what I'm going to do.

But untill then, I'll pray, and work my hardest, to make a ministry that reaches and changes as many lives as possible with the Gospel. I'll do what God requires of me, and trust that everything else after that is God's problem.

But I still hope I don't end up in Nowheresville.