It's funny, with all that's happening in the Blog World at the moment I'm tempted to make a post that says something. I could talk about abortion but I did that before, and I don't have much more to say. I could complain about George and John, but I'm sick of that, complaining doesn't solve anything anyway, it just makes me feel better. I could talk about their policies, but I've written about them too. I could make a passionate plea for unity, but well, I can't be bothered. I think we all know we need unity. So, while I want the visitors, I have nothing to say.
I wrote a blog post the other night that I didn't post. Although I never planned on blogging it. It was my blog post that couldn't be blogged. Some of the things I want to say in public but can't. It felt good. I still wrote it like a blog post and had all the same rules I have for blogging, it was just un-publishable. It may have been publishable a year ago, if I was feeling really tired, and a little irrational, but these days, one can't put too much of themselves on the blog. It's the whole issue of remaining honest but guarded.
The problem is, when you have things you want to say on a blog, but you can't, you tend to be more vague, and more cryptic.
For example take this post:
I have this perpetual feeling that I'm missing something.
Now that, is not as cryptic as some have been, but it's recent so I'll use it. There are any number of assumptions you could make from that post.
1. He's in love and wants girlfriend (always my first assumption when reading any person's cryptic blog posts are that they are about love)
2. He's hoping for the baptism of the Holy Spirit
3. He's not a Christian and needs to fill that "God-shaped hole"
4. He's always thinking that he's left something at home (like when you think you've forgotten to turn off the heater)
5. He keeps forgetting to wear underwear and wanted to blog about it without telling people that he keeps forgetting to wear underwear.
6. He's lamenting over friendships that have disappeared from his life
7. He's lamenting over friendships that haven't eventuated in his life
8. He's feeling left out from the social activities of his peers
9. He's got some continual sin that he needs to repent of and he's not feeling the forgiveness of God.
And you could go on for a while.
The truth is that I wrote it because I've been feeling a bit restless lately. And I've been feeling like I should be doing something for God, or that God should be requiring something of me. But I don't know what it could be. So I have this feeling that I'm missing something. Like I'm missing what God might be saying to me. I wasn't sure if that was because I was missing something, or I just felt like that. Either way I wanted to blog it without going into this much detail. I don't mind people knowing though.
And so you blog non-specific things, which give less facts, but start more wonderings. It's so easy to misinterpreted things on blogs because more often they are written with a very limited audience in mind. You write for those who will understand and forget about everyone else.
Anyway, none of this means much. It's just some thoughts while I kill time. I'll still keep blogging the same way. I'll make vague and cryptic posts every so often, and people will make (mostly) wrong hypotheses about them every so often. And life will go on.
Home group tonight was a lot about the separation of church and state and freedom of religion. It was interesting as it seemed to touch a lot on the blog discussions of late.
Kemp and I had a long chat in the car about looks and good looking people. And how we reacted to good looking people. I would like to say it was an important discussion where we made good moral progress, but I don't think we solved much at all. The verdict was probably that some people are good looking and that matters for about 5 minutes.
I had a road trip meeting with Jem about the Road Trip too. We booked accommodation and it's all very exciting.
Tomorrow I will shave.
If I was ever to get very depressed, or go on a violent rampage, it would be triggered by burning DVDs.
I have life pretty good. There isn't much I should be complaining about.
I was sitting in McDonald's today trying to work out if I almost always get what I want, and that's why it feels like that. Or if I don't often get what I want and I have just decided that I have enough anyway.
Or somewhere in between.
I never finished the thought because I got distracted by the manager carrying a tray from the post-mix machine.
I went and had lunch with Matty G today. It was nice to catch up.
Generally when we catch up he has something to say about how he wants to the church to change. He always inspires me to do something. Today I told him that I wanted change but I have no idea how to do it. I see some of the problems with the church and I think "The only way to fix that is to start a whole new church" but I know if you do that within a generation the church will just go back to how it always was.
It's a shame but it's true. So I stick within the current system, not because it's perfect but because it's there. As flawed as it is, it's still God's Church, his Body, his people.
Well there's a bit of healthy debate going on in the blogworld. Yay!
I must say, contrary to past occurrences, I agree with a lot of what Matt said.
I especially liked what he said about prioritising why we elect people. I have been thinking about that for a while, but I haven't put it as eloquently as Matt.
I didn't, however, vote for Howard and CDP.
My issue with the CDP seems to be that they have more interest in restoring Christendom than they do in governing lovingly in this post-Christian society. It makes me sad that our leading Christian political parties are known more for their views on homosexuality than they are for their love and compassion. There seems to be more condemnation than calling for justice, equality and love. I have no interest in endorsing homosexuality, but I think there are bigger things to worry about in the country.
In the Church I think it's a different argument, but our country is not the church.
As far as abortion goes, I am less happy to let things go. I hate abortion, and if we could get rid of it that'd be great. Unfortunately, as Matt said, it's going to happen anyway. I could vote for whoever in Australia, and it'll still be legal.
I think George Bush is a Christian. And that's great. I think we should pray that all national leaders, especially that they find Christ as we are urged to do in 1 Timothy 2. Christian government is the ideal, but I don't vote for politicians on their religious beliefs, I try and vote on how closely I think their policies fit with the Bible. Unfortunately, I find this quite a disheartening exercise.
When Jesus said we should love our enemies, I'm sure it was applicable to individuals. I don't think it was meant for governments. While I would call on my government to love its enemies, I think governments have been given the job by God to bring justice to the world. Sometimes where an individual should turn the other cheek, a government should go to war. How that works for Christian soldiers, I'm not sure.
Sadly, I don't think there are many times when governments go to war motivated to bring justice.
I think that the war in Iraq wasn't justifiable. I think the continued presence of troops in Iraq is. As I have often said, although perhaps not in my blog, I think it's a bit rude to go and blow up a country then leave. I support the US and Australia doing their bit to clean up their own mess.
I think the "War on Terror" is being fought in primarily the wrong places. If the terrorist's ideologies are being fueled by the Western-enhanced oppression, and inequality that is experienced in much of the world, then perhaps the place to start is not the terrorists, but the problems that help create them in the first place.
Of course, I do not in any way think that the problems caused by the West in the rest of the world is any justification for terrorism. Terrorism is abhorrent, more so than the actions of our governments. If I could tell the terrorists to stop I would. But I am not a citizen of a terrorist nation, and my responsibility is to be responsible for the actions of my country, and call on my government to act with justice.
I may have more to say, but I can't find it. This hasn't been all that well thought out, it's just a bunch of thoughts. I didn't want to get left out of the discussion. And now I will end with a quote from Bono, because, well, Bono is just the best.
"The war against terror is bound up in the war against poverty, I didn't say that, Colin Powell said that. And when a military man from the right starts talking like that maybe we should listen!" - Bono
I had this thought last night that I'm not really all that good at video stuff. I just know more about it than most other people, so I do better at it than other people. If I taught people how to use the stuff I use in very little time they would be doing a better job than me.
I thought this because as much fun as I had last night mixing the concert, I think I did a bit of an amateur job. I couldn't get a job in the industry.
What was fun though, was that I had a good time. And I like hiring equipment. I went to St Leonards on Friday arvo to hire stuff. And I always like doing that.
The concert went good. My drama team performed good, despite their drama leader.
Why am I bad at blogging at the moment? I don't know. I don't feel like recounting my days, I just like to talk about the interesting things that may occur. But recently life has been pretty mundane. Well I've had fun, but just nothing too out of the ordinary has happened.
On Thursday night Kaia, Ryan, Jem and I went and saw Hero at Chatswood. It was a really wonderful looking film. The fighting was very good. I didn't like it as much as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
On the way home Ryan and I had a long discussion about whether the film was promoting communist ideals, and telling people that the violent conquests of a nation's leaders are justified because in the end it brings peace. I thought it was, Ryan didn't.
All in all I thought the film was kinda preachy. I thought that if the script was in english I would have vomited. But that could have just been the subtitler.
On Monday night Jem and I saw The Manchurian Candidate. That was good. The story was fun and I liked its really strong undercurrent of the war on terror. All through the background of the movie there were news reports of the war on terror, and all the polititions kept talking about security. Even in the quiet, reflective scenes there were sirens in the background. It was interesting because the next day the elections in America were happening and the film was about presidential elections in America.
It was quite an uneasy film.
I don't think the film approved of the current government in the US, or it's foriegn policies. It seemed to think the the government was controlled more by the corporations than the people.
I think I agree, to a certain extent.
I went and visited St Peter's tonight. It was good visit. I felt like I was in a dream. Like I was back at my old church (which I was), and there was a new minister (which there was), with many new youth (which there were), and I was still the youth minister and expected to do something (which I wasn't). It was an odd feeling, but I'm glad I took the opportunity to go check it out.
The bad thing about doing video stuff on the weekend is that you always have to take the hired equipment back on Monday morning. I wanted to sleep in.
At the moment I am burning the last DVD for tomorrow's (today's) concert... If it works. I'm hoping it does. I may even get more than six hours sleep tonight. Posh.
I think that tomorrow (Sunday) I would like to go find a pub and watch the Kostya Tszyu fight, but I don't think I have any friends who will go with me. It would be fun though. For some reason I have been interested in the fight. I'll see if there are any boxing fans in my life. How fun, to sit in a bar, with a beer and lots of men, watching other men hit each other around. I can't think of a better way to spend a few hours of my life.
My blog posts of late haven't been all that long. Probably because I haven't done huge amounts. At least not huge amounts that is different from what I usually do. Although I have two films to de-brief. I'll do it when I have time. The cinema is tops.
It occurred to me after my exam how exciting it is to know stuff. I really like having knowledge and being able to answer tricky looking questions. There are many joys in education.
On Thursday night I decided to start asking God "What are you trying to teach me?" Just in case I'm missing something. I haven't found anything so far. I'll keep my eye out though.
And now I will put two cool words into one useless and pretentious sentence:
"After the sun prematurely capitulated to the advancing evening, the day seemed somewhat truncated."
I think that being a video person would be kinda fun. I like plugging in TVs and video cameras. I like saying things like BNC and RCA cables. It's fun making the mixer work. One day I'll work at a U2 concert. I'll work on the video crew. Yeah, I reckon.
Exam done. Not many people liked it, but I thought it was fine. That probably means I'll fail.
Today I have my one and only exam for the year. It's a worry, because I'm not worried. I'm not stressed. And I haven't studied. Usually at this point in the process I'm crying out to God for grace, but at the moment, I'm not really thinking about it. It's just another thing to do this week. I have done about 2 hours study for it though. And I'll do some reading for it on the train, so I should be fine.
We'll see what happens.
I had a thought the yesterday that feelings aren't real unless you tell them to someone else.
That actually isn't true. But I think we work that way. When you want a feeling to be validated, when you want it to be real, or worth something, you tell someone else. When you don't want a feeling to be real, you don't tell anyone, and when it goes away, it was never really there.
I'm not sure if that's true, but it's a thought.
"They say a secret is something you tell one other person
So I'm telling you, child" - U2
I just did an hour and a half's study straight. My goodness, I'm an academic king.
I'm really excited about the elections in America. Unlike here, they look close. What could be fun is if Kerry wins. At least I say "Go Kerry". I've heard a joke or two that this elections is the one that will decide the next leader of our country for the next four years. So true.
I want to go vote in Florida. I want my vote to mean something.
In other news, my Melbourne Cup tip is: VINNIE ROW
Trust me, I picked last year's winner.
Saturday I spent all day trying to write yesterday's sermon. I had planned to have it written by 5pm. I didn't have it finished by 1am when I went to bed. The interesting thing was what happened while I was trying to write the sermon. I watched tv, I ate, I swept, I looked at photo albums, I looked at blogs, I checked my email many times, I paced a lot and lay on the floor. None of it really helped me to push the sermon out.
Helen visited me at around 9:30pm to drop some stuff off and she stayed for a while. That was good. We talked and I was able to vent my frustration, and talk it out a bit. When she left I cleaned the unit.
In the morning I wrote the sermon, and I didn't really remember what I wrote because it was 6am. Or 5am according to none-daylight saving time.
It was an interesting day, Saturday. Frustrating, but you get that.
Yesterday was like most Sundays. Today, I went to Chatswood to return the key to the unit, now that I'm home again. And I hung out with Chris. I also ate a strawberry.
There was once a time when I was more eloquent on my blog. Perhaps it was when I felt like more was happening. The weather would fit with my emotions, and my life felt as though it had a little more meaning.
That's not to say that life feels meaningless, but in my "eloquent days", the little things seemed more significant. Most events seemed to have some heightened meaning to them. A drive home, was not just a drive home, and so demanded language to do justice to what I felt was occurring. At the moment I feel like I'm just waiting to look back and see how this all fits in the big scheme of things.
Yesterday at college we were asked to say how we were feeling in meteorological terms. I said I was feeling like a grey, cloudy day, every now and again it'd be a little drizzly. I was looking forward to sun at the end of the day, which was the forecast, but it could start raining at anytime. It could go either way really.
Other people said they were feeling dry and needed refreshing rain. It was interesting for me I was hoping for the sun, for others they were hoping for the rain.
I'm writing a sermon at the moment and God is big, that's what the Bible tells me.
