I was reminded how much I hate sin again today. Sometimes you get put in situations where you see how much destruction it does to people around you. And it scares you because it happens to those people you thought would be alright. You think "Oh they're in ministry, they only commit little sins." But then that continually gets blown out of the water. And then you realise, "If they're not safe, then neither am I". And that's a scary thought. I must be on my guard because the devil prowls around me like a lion, and I could fall into temptation as easily as the next bloke.

But I was also reminded that we who are saved have all been shown the mercy of God, and that is a wonderful thing. We are all sinners, but we are also God's redeemed, and that is the fantastic flipside.

Then again, I think if I never sinned again, I could still rejoice for eternity that I've been saved.

Goodness

"Everyday I tell myself that God is good, everyday I thank God that He is good and everyday I believe it. But some days it hits you, you feel it in your soul and it dances in your belly and on those those days you know you don't just believe the goodness, you're living it, forever." - C.K. Knight

This makes me angry



I don't think I approve of tackling marathon runners.

I feel like an idiot.

A big one.

I managed to lock my keys in my office twice tonight. The first time I went down to the church to borrow some off Helen. Then I could open my office. That was good.

The second time everyone had gone to Maccas, and I left my office to go to the toilet. I locked it being the security conscious man that I am then realised I had left my keys in there, and my phone. After trying to work out if I could break the lock (I decided not to try too hard, it could be expensive), or climb through the window (Too high, too embarrassing and painful if I fell), I decided that I was well and truly stuffed. So I walked to McDonald's and got Helen and crew to drive me back. Who felt stupid? I did.

Angus bailed on me tonight. Now I'm all set for a night home alone.

It's not really what I wanted to do with my Saturday night but it's probably better. I'll watch the footage for Aimee I think. That will be the first step towards editing I think. Oh goodness, I have six hours of footage. I doubt I'll watch it all tonight. I might go and get some food from Coles too. Just to make me feel better.

The problem with checking emails and blogging before getting dressed is you feel rather naked and cold sitting at the computer in only your boxers. And if you get distracted, like I have this morning, you can feel naked and cold for quite a while. But then again that is one of the joys of the internet, I can communicate with the world in my underwear and no-one would have any idea. Except if I told them, like I have now. Darn.

This morning I decided I was sick of wearing a band aid on my thumb so my finger nail doesn't get destroyed. So I took my band aid off, then ripped off the flappy bit of the nail. I thought there would be pain and blood but there was neither. So now I just have an ugly thumb. Oh well, I'll say it was a war injury... "Land mine back in 'Nam."

Sometimes life leaves me a little baffled. But that's ok. It would be wrong of me to assume it would be otherwise.

Ethical conundrums are much less pleasant when you are faced with them in real life. I'm also much more likely to want to ignore them.

I must say I've been world class productive today. My to-do list has gone on a spectacular weight loss program.

I had a lot of problems with my sleep and trains today.

I fell asleep on the way to college and it was a full peak hour trip. The whole time I felt my head dropping, but I thought it was alright. Then I fell asleep, and managed to hit my head on the window with a loud "Thunk!".

I said "Oooh!" then looked around the carriage with a sheepish smile on my face hoping some people would smile back, but the just stared at me like I was an idiot.

Then on the way home from college I fell asleep and had to be woken up by the ticket man. After him I went back to sleep and woke up just as we were pulling into Hornsby. I quickly tried to back my stuff, my head phones got caught on the seat, then I ran down the train stuffing things into my bag. I had forgotten my book was on my lap when fell asleep so when I was half way down the carriage it fell to the floor. I said "Oh there's my book" and everyone looked at me like I was an idiot.

I finally made it onto the station in a flurry, appologising to everyone that had to get out of my way and the train sat on the station for another minute. Then I felt a little stupid.

Tonight I went to Bible study. That was good. Yay.

The Muslims from last week came and answered our questions. That was cool. I really liked talking to them. They were all really friendly, and quite well versed on their faith. Afterwards we got to have a proper chat and it was very fun. Plus Rach and I got to tell two of them about Jesus, I'd been itching to do it since last Tuesday. I really love talking about grace it makes me so happy. Hearing about Islam just made me love God more. And Muslims.

Bloody Day

I got up early today. Well earlier than I would have liked. I had to go to Panavision to drop off the gear from filming. I dropped a package for Kirsty off at her school on my way which was fun.

At Panavision the carpark was full so I parked in the middle of the carpark, making life difficult for people wanting to get out. So I was trying to be quick. In my quickness I somehow managed to catch my thumb nail on the door of the car rip half of it off. I was pretty impressed because I've never done that before. My first thought was, "I can show my friend in the hire place" but then I decided that we work close enough friends yet to start showing each other our fresh wounds.

Perhaps I could sue Panavision because I was in their carpark.

Anyway I dropped off the stuff and found out I was an hour and a half late. Since we're friends, hire-guy and I, he said he'd let me off. Yay.

Following this I drove myself to Killara station and caught the train in to meet Chris. We met and went and found the Blood Bank. Today was blood donation day. I'd never done it before so I was excited. We filled out forms which asked us all about our medical and sexual history. I have never been asked such personal questions before. It was ok though, I didn't have any embarrassing answers to the questions, except that I had been to New Zealand in the last 12 months.

Once we were ready they sent us off to have lunch then we came back for the procedure. I got to have an interview with an nurse then wait to have my blood taken.

It turns out I wasn't very good at giving blood. My needle got stuck on the side of my vain so it took me 15 minutes to get 467mL. That's 3mL less than they are meant to take. Chris managed to do 470mL in about 5 minutes. I did enjoy seeing all my blood though. And all the nurses were fun. It was a good place.



My arm



My blood



Speedy Chris

After the blood I got to have a milkshake, juice, eat a hot dog and some yoghurt. And it was free. I'd say that was the best bit but it wasn't. The hot dog wasn't very good. I had been looking forward to my free hot dog every since we visited the Blood Bank for science in year 10, so it was a little disappointing. But that's ok, I still liked the experience of seeing me bleed. My arm aches a little now.

I'm looking forward to next time. I'm going to bring more friends next time. We'll have a blood party.

Chris and I finished out outing by watching Steal which has got to be one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. The script was shocking. There was a British guy trying to be a Southern Preacher, but kept letting his British accent out every now and again. The action was useless, and well it was crap. Crap, crap, crap.

Now I'm home. I might eat some dinner. Maybe get an early night.

Weekend

Perhaps I should talk about my weekend. It's not important.

Saturday was long. So so long. 7:30am is a fine time to start filming if you aren't finishing at 1am the next morning. Oi!

But it was a good day filming. We got everything done we needed to. And we had some laughs. It was a great location. Avalon is great, the ocean is great, the smell of new light stands is great.

Sunday I was very tired. I went and did a talk at the Kids Club camp but it wasn't very good. At least I didn't like it all that much and I didn't think it was very clear.

We went letter box dropping with the young folk that was fun. I had good times walking the streets with three teenagers, then eating ice cream with the whole youth group at the end. It's a good community.

We had church and I managed to fall asleep 6 times. And I didn't fall asleep once at McDonald's.

I also stubbed my toe on the heater in the bathroom in the morning. It didn't really hurt, but there was blood so that made me happy.

It's way too late. The day has been way too long.

But I got to say "That's a wrap" sometime around 1am this morning. Praise the Lord. We were only shooting from 7:30am.

Now I must sleep tomorrow I must work. And that's a whole other kettle of fish.

God don't make lonely girls
Sure didn't want 'em in His world - The Wallflowers

Dad just came from India and gave me 4 pairs of socks. Wahoo! He sure knows how to make me happy, my Dad. I love socks.

I'm filming tomorrow.

Helen and I went and hired the mike and tripod from Panavision today. Made my day again. I love going to Panavision. As I said to Helen "If I was a chick, guys could take me to Panavision to impress me." Cameras and film industry stuff. Yeah, cool. I always get geeked out when I go there.

We also stocked up on alcohol for the party scene in the film tomorrow night. I was hoping we wouldn't get found by youth group parents walking out of the liquor store during work hours, stocked up on lolly drinks and beer. 'Twas fun though. I stood staring at the massive selection of multicoloured drinks thinking "What would a person in year 10 want to drink?" (Don't answer that question Year 10 readers)

We had small group too. I think the study this week was too long. I had fun writing it, but we didn't get through it at either of my groups. Oh well, at least the leaders seemed to like it.

Tonight I had dinner with Ryan and Jem. We watched the diving.

Now I have to write up my shot lists for tomorrow. Then I sleep.

In the morning I'm getting up at 5:30am. Argh!

I'm dreaming about awakening the natural beauty in my hair.

On Monday I went and saw Walking Tall with Chris, Sal, and Jo. It was good fun. After my day of writing about Bible things it was good to switch your brain off and watch a man with a big stick hitting things.

Speaking of Bible things, I discovered on Tuesday that I had accidently stuffed up a question in my assessment. I wrote the first thing that came to mind, forgot to go back and fix it and handed it in like this:

In Hos 13:7-8 Yahweh compares himself to a (lion), leopard, bear and lion.
There seems to be a progression in Hos 13:7-8 with things going from bad to worse:

leopard - lurks
bear - attacks and rips open
lion - devours

If the sequence is reversed in Dan 7:3-6 lion > bear > leopard, what should we expect of the fourth beast ?

A frog

Oops.

Yesterday

I taught scripture. I still enjoy that. Because it was raining the kids had to stay inside for recess. This meant that I couldn't have my usual game of hand ball. I could, though, hang out with the kids inside. I think that was more fun becasue we got to talk about silly things, I got to play on the computers with the boys, and teach Claire how to play chess. So it was well worth it.

Work was meetings and then some work. I was pretty productive. I called lots of people, did all the things that had been on my list for a while and did stuff for the film. Not everything is ready, but things are getting better.

The pub was good. I discovered a new drink and I had a few conversations about my lack of authority, so I dreamt most of the night about telling various people off. It wasn't very satisfying, but what can you do? I think most of the people I was telling off in my dream were primary school kids and they just laughed at me.

I'm sitting in the food court and no one has turned up yet. I'm trying to think of bloggable thoughts but there are none in my head. Perhaps it's the bad food atmosphere. The smell is draining my brain of usefulness. That would explain the lack of meaningful coversation that ever goes on here.

Life is good when you get to sleep in.

Ahh. 11:40. I haven't done that in ages.

I think Blogger may have put a new thingy at the top of my blog. Hmm.

I had a good day today. College was fun. I preached there for the first time in about a year I think. I preached on the Evils of Toe Socks. People laughed and I think the first years may have been a little surprised. I don't know what sort of person they expect me to be. Probably and arrogant third year. I'm sure I look like that. I walk around like I own the place and don't talk to anyone. I only do that because I'm comfortable there, but I don't talk to anyone because I don't know anyone. And now that I have realised that I don't know anyone, I'm getting less comfortable.

I did make a conscious effort to talk to new people today. I even caught the train with two first year girls. Plus I met the only serious fan of Donny Jaffa on Loftus station. She came up to me and said "Is your name Tom?" I said yes, and asked her hers (I knew it, I remembered it. When you only have one fan it's easy to remember their name) and then she said "I was going to ask if you were from the Donny Jaffa Show" How cool is that? I'm famous, recognised on the station. Not as famous as Jem though.

"TABBITTTHAAHHHHHHHH!"

We had four Muslim guys come to small group tonight. That was great. I really enjoyed hearing all about their beliefs. They confirmed what I thought, but I learnt heaps. It was cool. And it was really good meeting practicing Muslims. Perhaps like the equivalent of us Christians. Although I can't be sure.

I really want to tell them about Jesus now. I want to ask if they want me to come and tell them all about Christianity.

How good it is not to have to earn your salvation. It's times like tonight that make me appreciate Jesus all the more.

I just watched America get beaten in the basket ball. As much as I love America, it's nice to see them loose.

And seven hours later, I finish my assessment. Hooray Praise the Lord.

I almost sent an sms or two complaining about not having a day off today. But I stopped thinking that perhaps God had better plans for my day. And so far I haven't had that bad a time studing the Bible today. It's been quite enjoyable learning all about Daniel. So perhaps it'll be alright.

I'm still hoping I get enough done that I can go see I movie tonight.

I had a bad sleep last night. Full of stressful dreams and everytime I woke up I remembered that today wasn't going to be a day off anymore. Ahh poo.

I dreamt that there was a nucliear bomb that went off in Chatswood and all my friends kept wanting to walk outside but I was getting angry with them because they would get hurt by the fallout.

Then I dreamt that we filmed in Coffs Harbour and had to catch the train home. On the same train was a film crew who had lots of film equipment too. Normally this would be a cool dream but I lost the boom pole, and the train had to be packed and was leaving soon. I spent hours searching a dark warehouse full of film equipment for the boom pole, but I couldn't find it. I was getting annoyed because I wasn't allowed to turn on the lights, but I knew that if I turned on the lights I'd be able to find the pole.

In the end I remembered that I had left the pole in the car so I went outside to get it, and there is was.

Can you tell I wasn't in a good mood last night?

Wok-tastic

At 7:30 this morning my door opened. Hannah walked in, put a wok on me in my bed then walked out. She's a funny one my sister.

Alright, I can't say too much now. My eyes are at that sore stage of sleep deprivation. I can't wait for bed. I am highly anticipating it.


Anyway, I think I had an alright weekend. I'm really looking forward to having a Saturday where I can do my own thing and don't have to worry about

Oh bugger, just then I remembered that I have a college assessment due in on Tuesday. Oh *big swear word*! There goes my day off. Grrr.

Oh, right, where was I?

...don't have to worry about anything where I have any responsibility. I would love to have a Saturday to go to the movies, or the beach (I'm not expecting a free Saturday anytime soon) and then hang out with friends. Wow, how nice would that be.

Anyway, I didn't mind Saturday though. I had fun at Timezone. Games are fun. I won a mini gumball machine, which got stuck in the game machine. I liked playing video games with 12 and 13 year olds.

World Cafe was good, but I wasn't really paying attention because I was filming it. As I always say, if you film something, you don't really see it.

Today, was another church day.

I preached again tonight and I felt pretty good about it. I got passionate again. I found myself mid-passionate blurt and thought "Gosh I rarely speak like this away from the pulpit"

Now I am at home. God is still good.

End

I just finished writing my sermon for tomorrow. Oi! I tried to make this one shorter but I managed to write 200 words more that my last one. How did that happen? Why do I talk so much?

I don't think I'm going to be very funny tomorrow night. Not that that's a problem, it's just a little scary.

Bing bong!

Every post I did today had a quote in it. And CSLewis puts us to bed with his third and final.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

I had a day today. Amazing that.

Generally I have a new one everyday. And when I get to the end of each one I look back and think "Oh, well, that was that" then I go to sleep, wake up and right there is a brand spanking new one for me to see what I can do with. As C.S. Lewis said "The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."

Anyway, on this particular bit of past (formally known as future), I managed to drive Hannah to school, and I was reminded that little sister snot in not good to get on your fingers. Although I did feel particularly paternal cleaning it up.

I had a mostly productive day today. Except that I lost my to do list, so I can't be sure about that. I do know I was busy today, so that's almost as good as productive.

I went to Youth Church tonight. It's been over a year since I was last there. It was good to go. Our whole turn out from our youth group tonight was 4. 2 youth ministers, 2 young people. One would think that our church had a problem with the allocation of resources if you judged the youth ministry by tonight's turn out. That's ok, we didn't really advertise it, we just said anyone who wants to come can.

It was good to do church in a different context. I'm very good at forgetting that most of the world doesn't do or experience life like I do.

I'm not very impressed with Seven's coverage of the Olympics so far. I think they are replaying the Opening Ceremony from Sydney at the moment. The dream is over peoples! And the intro where our athletes destroy the relics of Athens. That's embarrassing. Oh well, not my problem. I doubt I have much time to watch the Olympics this time around.

Tomorrow is Timezone day, so I should sleep. It is good to be well slept for the important things of life.

Lucky I'm not a Cowboy

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks.
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they love. - Waylon Jenings

I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life - The Rasmus

That's me. I live for tomorrow. I'm not a journey man, I'm all for the destination. Although I have plenty of fun along the way.

I finished reading the Narnia series last night. Ohh, wonderful, fantastic, sodden brill! C.S. is a champ. It made me want to go to heaven. Or the new creation, or wherever we go when we die.

Now I am free to read other books, and not worry that I'm neglecting Narnia. But I'm sure I'll go back to Narnia one day. I'll take my kids. I'll make them love it. They can go to Narnia way before they go to Hogwarts.

Three cheers and many pats on the back for C.S. Lewis!

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it" - C.S. Lewis The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I've just spend a few hours in the library. 'Tis an exciting place that. Full of books and infomation.

I went to work on my sermon for Sunday, but managed to distract myself with plenty of other stuff along the way. I spent much time looking in dictionaries for a word or two that didn't exist, I looked at the Census of NSW from 1828, I looked through a book of quoations about women, I found the word I was looking for on the internet, I read about the Koran and the life of Muhammad and I read a commentary or two on Luke.

All up I had a marvelous time.

When you look through old emails sometimes you find poems...

I wrote this when I was 17. I'm wondering why.

Have you ever met an angry frog?
He's much like a pissed off dog.
He jumps, and kicks and bites your leg,
It's their instinct, you know, to go for the head

Some times they all fight together,
Over who gets the pond and the shelter for wet weather,
The ones of different religions also fight too,
They all fight a lot but why they're fighting they don't seem have a clue.

The casulties are high and mediator frogs are brought in,
When they all argue it makes a terrible din,
It's funny to watch although a little sad,
To see all these creatures get hopping mad.

And we sit there and watch as the frogs go beserk,
The killing starts again and more frogs get hurt,
And we smile sadly to ourselves and think "If only they knew.
If they had our wisdom they'd all get on, just like me and you."

The other day Helen and I went to a prayer meeting of Youth Ministers and I had two thoughts. My first was that every youth minister seems to do it tough. The second was "Why would anyone ever want to be a Youth Minister?" But I went away happy that other people were out there doing the same thing we're doing, facing the same problems we're facing, and passionate about the same things we're passionate about.

And then I ran small group, and I remembered why I want to do youth ministry.

I often blog at this time of day.

It's "reflect on your day time".

I worked again today. I saw my scripture class for the first time in 4 weeks. I like them. They're fun. I'm not a very good teacher, but at least I make them laugh with toilet jokes.

I had a meeting today and a discussion with Helen about the gifts of the Spirit. Helen confirmed her belief that I am a charismatic. That's good, coming from a person like her, a real charismatic. I think I'm a quiet charo. That's how I'd describe me.

I ate a chicken burger.

Rach has well and truly moved in which has lowered the productivity but raised the fun. So I'm happy to make that swap.

I organised my social today, called every boy in year 6-8 in the youth group. I also started a small group, but I didn't finish one, because only one person turned up. Shame. But it did mean I got all the work done that I wanted to get done today.

We pubbed it, and as usual, I enjoyed myself. Today was a good day. I only felt overwhelmed between 1:20 and 2:05. The rest of the time, I felt hopeful.

Andy once told us about and old Jewish proverb or something where a man would carry around two things in his pockets. In one pocket he would carry a lump of dirt in the other a lump of gold. On the days he was proud of himself he would pull out the dirt and look at it and be reminded that he was formed from the dust and ought not to think too highly of himself. On the days he was feeling down on himself he would pull out the gold and be reminded that he was made in the image of God and is more precious to God than gold.

I always liked that.

I went to college today. I enjoy college. But I feel a little out of place these days. I used to be very comfy at college. Being a second year last year, full time, meant I owned the place. Being a third year part time, means I haven't been around to get to know any of the first years, and so, I act like I own the place, but in reality, I don't really. It's not really my college any more. I don't have many friends there anymore.

Oh well. It is still good to go and learn. We laughed about poo in Psalms today. Always good to laugh about poo when learning about community laments.

I came home and had coffee with Jem. We'd been planning it for a while so it was good to get around to it. She then took me on a driving lesson and taught me how to drive a manual. I had fun, but it was very stressful. I felt like a learner again. I guess that's a good feeling. Good for the humility.

Small group was good. I didn't say much tonight. Dinner was nice. Ray and Alison were sick and shouldn't be. I don't like seeing sick people.

I called Jo on the way home and had a good catch up.

The End

I talked to Chris today about a blog post I was composing in my head, which he referenced.

It came up because I've been thinking recently that the one topic that it seems that often people fail to properly hear God on is romantic relationships. Time and time again people think or say things like "God is saying I should go out with Mary J" or "God wants Eric an I to be together forever". And time and time again it doesn't work out.

It seems that often people do not hear well about what God is saying to them about their love lives. I think we often mistake our emotions for God's voice. I've done it myself plenty of times. These days I don't think I trust anything I think God might be saying about love and that like. So often I've found that I'm wrong that I get to the point where I wonder how do you tell what God is saying in those situations? Or does God say anything at all?

And that's where I start to think that probably part of the issue is, God doesn't really mind who you like (as in "like like") but how you go about it (hence Chris' comments).

Although I do think God cares who you go out with, at least to some degree. Some people will be detrimental to you and your relationship with God and others. Some will tempt you to sin, some you will find it difficult to respect and love.

And so then I say, well God probably does mind to some degree who we like then, because you should only go out with people you like, and liking people will be the first step to going out with them. Going out with people will be the first step to marrying someone. And I'm sure God cares about who we marry.

But perhaps God doesn't say much to us on these issues, because he's given us the resources to work most of it out ourselves. He has given us feelings and brains, and neither should cancel the other out. We can use both of them quite well when it comes to our love lives. Maybe God doesn't need to speak, because he knows he's designed us well enough to work through the issues ourselves. Maybe it's not such a big deal. He's given us his Word which is quite clear about how to treat people, and if you follow those guide lines you're most of your way to conducting your romantic life well.

But then again, I could be wrong. None of this is doctrine. None of it is set in concrete. As I've often said, I'm certainly not the Love King. But at least, when it comes to love, most of the time, I don't act like a bastard. Well, I hope I don't.

Filming Photos

Good Location, Actor Jem, Clapper Jo

Sunday

We filmed most of the day. I got to herd cows, and carry hay. That was great fun. I felt like a farmer. Yeehaa!

We had a cast and crew photo that we took just before we finished filming. It was good. I felt like a real cast and crew. We put the boom in shot and a light and clapper board. Yay, for feeling real.

We drove back to Sydney, and filmed a little along the way.

I was buggered by the time we arrived home. We had youth group, and I really enjoyed being back. It was a nice welcome to come back to a bunch of young people praying. Yay for being a Youth Minister.

Church was church. I like communion.

Maccas was good too. When I came home I talked to Mum then slept.

And that's my weekend all caught up.

Saturday

Saturday started early with a shower and a wander around the farm.

Then it was breakfast, meeting, costuming, rehearsing and a preparation to film. Sadly, when it came time to film, I discovered that I hadn't got a vital cord that I needed from ASC when I hired the mike. This was the discovery that had to happen. Every time you make a film, something has to go wrong. This was it. No-one seemed all that surprised, and no-one stressed to much. Lesley was tops. She got on the phones, sent people on driving expeditions, Lesley was a good AD. She always is.

The missing cord meant we had a few free hours to rehearse which was great. God's provision for the script I hadn't got my head around yet. It was good to go through most of the important scenes before we shot them. I felt like a better director.

Finally the cord arrived and we shot a scene or two. And then a few more. We filmed a religious ceremony which should have taken 20 minutes to film, but ended up being about 3 hours long. There was much laughing though, and the cast and crew were very patient. Good for them.

We finished filming at around 12:30am.

Now it's time to catch my life up. And it may only be me who's interested.

Well, me and my mother at least.

Friday

I think I liked Friday. It was quite a full day. Much better than Thursday day. I got frustrated on Thursday. I kicked a whole in a cupboard on Thursday. I fixed it too. I didn't mean to kick the soft cupboard, it just happened. Anyway, I've concluded that I should have listened to more music on Thursday.

Friday though, I had fun. I drove down to college and had my quiet time in the car. Praying while you drive always takes a long time. But I usually say more, so it's good. Good to spend an hour praying, rather than the usual 20 minutes (or 15, or 10, or 5).

College we got taught about counseling. We heard about transference and power imbalances. I spent the whole time analysing myself and diagnosing myself with all the problems the kind lady suggested. I may not have them all, but it's probably natural to think your a nut case for some of your life.

I also thought a lot about power imbalances. Probably because the whole issue of power weirds me out. "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely" - Lord Acton Ever since I got told that in year nine by Mr Kennedy, I've thought about staying away from power. But unfortunately, you can't. Power corrupts relationships. Abuse happens when people abuse their power. I may not be all that powerful, but in my little world, I've been given little bits of it, but I'd rather just leave it alone. It's sad when it pollutes friendships though no-one intended to let that happen.

Anyway, that was just something that I thought about.

After the counseling women (who was good) we ate burritos and watched The Apostle. I enjoyed that movie. It made me want to preach more. Funny that. Many things make me want to preach. I really liked that it portrayed Christians well. Or at least as three dimensional people. If also a little crazy.

I drove home and ran a small group. The boys were talkative. Oh well, I'm sure their learning stuff, even if we never seem to get much done. They're a wonderful bunch of people.

Small group was followed by car packing and a fun filled trip to Berry to make a film. We turned up at my cousin's farm that had been kindly lent to us, sometime after midnight. It was a great location. I went to bed looking forward to filming. If not a little apprehensive about how it would all work out. I has happy to leave Sydney problems in Sydney.

Dear Thomas
When I checked my email I then I was really excited that perhaps I'd have lots of meaningful, personally addressed emails. But alas I think there was only one new one that was only to me. Thanks David.

Goodness, three days without blogging! I can't believe I let that happen.

Well I can't properly fix that now. I have to go to bed. The Weekend was good. God continues to work well. I should sleep.

I betcha I stay away think. Always happens when I'm really tired.

I'm doing film stuff at the moment. I'm trying hard to stay focused. This post is evidence that I'm not always succeeding.

I just saw Kaia for the first time in 6 months. That was good. Even if it was short it was exciting to see her.

Two words I enjoyed using yesterday:

Implicit and pertinent

In other news...

I had fun at work today. Lots of people around. Small group was good, and I enjoyed the pub. Good to be silly. Perhaps I'm a little immature sometimes, but belly button lint and nose hairs really are quite funny.

I worked today. Although I spent a lot of my time in my office working on an assessment. It's an interesting assessment. I've never had an assessment that has been so important to me.

Not important because I care a lot about it. Important because it deals with pertinent issues. It deals with things I've been struggling with for years. It is making me again confront issues that I'm so sick of working through. Everytime I go there, I get so much angst, and then guilt, and then I question my usefulness, and my self-worth. And then I work my way back to somewhere where I'm comfortable again, and it all comes back. I could have chosen to do a different topic for my assessment but I decided, it was better to work through the issues properly than leave them again. It means the assessment has gotten a lot slower.

It's good to put things on paper. And writing things academic means I have to sift through the emotions, and find what's really going on. I once decided I was never going to sort myself out, and for years I'd just keep going on the same cycle. But perhaps one day I can get myself to a place where I can stay comfortable, but happily open to challenge and change.

At least I get to do an assessment on one of my problems at the moment. I bet I get bad marks.

Christian Chris

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? - Matt 6:27

But I do it too much. And it's never about the big, kingdom things, it's always the silly, little Tom things. For the kingdom things I think "God'll take care of that" For the Tom things I think "If I don't worry about it who will?"

I heard a respected biblical teacher talk about his dislike for how often Jeremiah 29:11 gets quoted out of context:

"I have good plans for you, yeah 70 years of captivity"

Fantastic. I'd been waiting for someone to say that for a while.

I sat around and did film stuff today.

Too much to do. Ahhh!

Jem came over for tick. Mum found her in the shops and brought her home to cheer me up.

I went out to dinner with Jo (sister) tonight. That was lovely. She's lovely my sister. We talked a lot and it was encouraging to talk about all the good stuff God is doing. God is good, and we reminded each other of that tonight.

College Boy

I'm dead sexy!

Quintessential John

Yes my head is swelling
Welcome to my world
Population one
And you can't come
So take or leave it - John Mayer